


Let Our Wings Carry You

by talonyth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Future Fic, Gen, HQBB2014, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata is sure he wants to go pro after high school yet innumerable reckless plays have left his knees weak - and while everyone walks towards their dreams with encouraging words of Hinata in their ears, he stays behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Future Plans of the Former Seconds

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes this is my shitty entry for hqbb which is highly inaccurate in all sorts of means but i hope you can still enjoy it, i seriously, in all honesty, apologize for the quality of this. it has suffered highly under procrastination and the pressure of a deadline.
> 
> i have had the pleasure to work with two artists even, lovely [zero](http://zeroin-kun.tumblr.com) & [rawan](http://takedaittetsusensei.tumblr.com/) who forgave me my procrastination (or so i hope hA;;;). zero's finished illustration for this fic is found [here](http://zeroin-kun.tumblr.com/post/98671648190/hqbb-challenge-paired-with-talonyths-fic-after) and rawan's artwork is over [here](http://ssmilyartt.tumblr.com/post/99508753526/my-art-for-hqbb-i-was-paired-with-these-two)! i am grateful to have had the pleasure to work with them. thank you so so very much for this experience and i hope we can do this again!

The air in the gym feels heavy. It is so hot that even breathing seems like a chore and it is visible in everyone's faces that they are tired beyond words. Training camp last year had already been exhausting, Hinata thinks, but this year the temperatures are brutal and it makes training much harder. He doesn't mind it much. The more exhausted he is at the end of the day, the better he feels about himself and he knows it is the same for everyone else too. 

He sinks to the wooden floor, leaning his back onto the wall and pulling his knees up to his chest with his arms. He grimaces as his left knee stings but he pays it no mind. His joints always hurt after training. Hinata lets out a deep breath and overhears the conversation of the third years sitting next to him curiously. 

“I can't believe our last training camp would be this rough...” Kinoshita says as he takes a sip out of his bottle. 

“Maybe it's payback for skipping our very first one back in our first year.”

Ennoshita almost sounds bitter as he says that but there is a strength in his posture that makes Hinata think of how much they have grown – all of them, as a team and individually. He is especially amazed at Ennoshita who is an incredible captain despite his constant worries whether that is really true. Hinata opens his mouth to say something but his tongue feels like lead and Nishinoya is faster. 

“Payback? More like a real challenge! Don't be so stuck up on that anymore, that's long past!”

An exhausted laugh comes out of Ennoshita's direction as he nods. “Well, if you say so,” he replies, a meek smile on his face.

Just as Hinata is wondering how it comes Tanaka hasn't said anything yet, he hears him speaking up in a low and very unusual tone. “Hey, you guys? Have you been thinking... well, you know, about what to do after school?”

“Are you getting disheartened, or are you just trying to sound unnecessarily serious to be cool, Tanaka?” Ennoshita retorts, and Hinata can feel the shivers down his spine. As well as Ennoshita treats the second and first years, as nasty he can be towards the rest of the third years – including himself. 

“What do you mean 'unnecessarily'! Someone needs to give this topic some depth, right!” Tanaka's voice is back to normal and Hinata laughs, earning a look from Ennoshita. Not a bad one, though but Hinata knows he is going to use it against Tanaka. 

“See, even Hinata is laughing at you. Of all people, you shouldn't be the one 'giving this topic some depth'. Or am I wrong?” he says and turns to Kinoshita. He has already burst out into laughter while Narita suppresses it with lips pressed together to avoid grinning. They both shake their heads and all of a sudden the air is still heavy but filled with banter and laughter and loud voices too. 

Still, Hinata can't help but think about what Tanaka said. Of course it doesn't concern him yet – although he knows exactly what he wants to do after school – but he wonders about the plans the third years have.  
“So, what do you want to do after high school?” he asks then and suddenly all eyes are on him as they all go silent. In the background, Hinata can hear Kageyama attempting to explain how to do a jump serve to the first years. They are all so enthusiastic and loud, the first years. They remind Hinata of himself – maybe that's why he gets along with them really well. Other than Kageyama who struggles somewhat, always looking for proper words to explain how he does things on court. It seems like a very difficult task to him to act as an upperclassman. 

“Do you want to know, Shouyou?” Nishinoya says and suddenly Hinata is thrown out of his thoughts and remembers he had asked something. “I didn't want to say anything about this because I wanted it to be a surprise but since you asked, I might as well!”

“I want to know! Tell me, tell me,” Hinata replies and he feels like he got his energy back now, bouncing up and down.

“I can't believe you'd be this reliable and have an actual plan, Nishinoya. Tell us, too.”  
Narita seems to speak for all third years present as their gazes focus on Nishinoya who is proudly standing there, arms akimbo, back straight and voice fierce. 

“I'm planning on going pro after high school!”

Oohs and Aahs are going along with quiet clapping at Nishinoya's declaration. Hinata stands up, eyes going big. His heart has started pounding and he can't stop grinning. 

“That's amazing! You can do it, Nishinoya-senpai! Definitely! If there is anyone who could do it, then you!”

“Right? That's so cool, Noya-san, what the hell!” Tanaka adds, slapping Nishinoya's back hard enough for it to be audible. “I didn't expect anything less!”

“Don't flatter him too much, you two, that will make him slack off as a result.”  
Ennoshita's voice sounds strict but there is an expression on his face that definitely equals pride, Hinata is sure of that. He has that look on his face after a good session of training. Or after a match they've won. He wears it often enough, although his words usually don't correspond.

“Me? Slacking off? Hell no, just you watch me! I'm absolutely going to do this!”

There is a slight shift in his voice, in his face too and Hinata can tell that this is exactly the way he feels too. Exactly the thing he strives for too, with the exact same intensity. With Nishinoya's words, his heart – formerly pounding too hard – comes to a stop.

“I've decided on this since the start of this year. I worked harder than before and I am not going to stop unless I have achieved my goal. There is no way I would slack off now.”

Hinata feels like it takes his heart forever to start beating again. He is left staring at Nishinoya in utter amazement as he feels something pricking inside of him. He wants to do it too. Going pro. He wants to do it. 

“I am just saying if you're being spoilt with admiration, you might think you're good enough already. I'm not warning you. I'm warning Tanaka and Hinata not to let you strive off your path,” Ennoshita replies and earns a shocked gasp by Tanaka. 

“I would never do something like that!” he says theatrically, outraged by Ennoshita's assumption. 

“But it fits you, Nishinoya, something flashy like going pro and standing in the spotlight. I'm kinda jealous now, my plans seem so lame in comparison,” Kinoshita sighs and stretches his arms out. 

“Huh? Why, what are you gonna do?”

“Eh, probably just work at my parents' restaurant. College seems like a hassle and I don't want to move far away from here anyway. Still makes me seem like a loser, oh man. Lame.”

“Isn't your family's restaurant that thing with the huge barbecue buffet on Sundays? That's my favourite place to eat at recently and my sister's too! As much meat as you can eat!” Hinata exclaims and he can feel his stomach grumble. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't eaten in hours and training has drained him. The prospect of food after training is makes him jumpier than before.

“Ah, yeah! I knew I saw you there before but I was always too busy to check it out. I'm already helping out there a lot so it's not like much is going to change,” Kinoshita replies with a proud smile. 

“So you are going to be a cook, that's so cool! Making that super tasty meat, whoa!”

“Right, we'll come and visit you, so make sure to serve us the best you have!” 

“The best? Oh, that won't be cheap. How do you plan on paying for that, huh? And don't tell me with love because that's gross.”

“Heh.” Tanaka smirks and pulls the same pose as Nishinoya did before. “Once you see me being a respectable man of justice and law, I want you to tell me that to my face again.”

It doesn't take three seconds for Kinoshita, Narita and Ennoshita to wear the same look of slight disgust and disbelief, muttering a sole word in unison. 

“What.”

“What do you mean, what? And wipe that look off your faces, you heard me! I'll become a policeman. No need to thank me, I'll keep your asses safe.”

Before any of the third years can retort anything, Hinata breathes in air so sharply that it could cut through his lungs and his eyes go wider than before. 

“That's so cool, Tanaka-senpai! Whoa! Like the real thing?! With uniform and gun!?”

“Hinata, don't encourage him,” Ennoshita says but this time his face is appalled as his voice is. 

“But, he said he wants to be a policeman, that's amazing! And it's so fitting, are you really going to do this!?”

“I'm a man who keeps his word, of course I am going to! I have thought about this thorou---”

“Wasn't this just a dumb idea of yours? You probably saw a movie and thought it would be cool to be a cop,” Kinoshita says nonchalantly. Narita nods and crosses his arms, pretending to be pondering. 

“Now that you mention it, didn't you say you saw this great movie at the theatres where a cop and a---”

“Do I look like I would decide my future over a movie?!”

Without batting an eyelid, three voices sound in unison once more. “Yes.”

Hinata doesn't exactly recall the sequence of events. He gets side-tracked by Kageyama slumping down next to him, complaining about how he can't do this thing with teaching others. It makes Hinata snicker and he earns a nasty look from Kageyama for it. In the background, he can hear the third years talking about Ennoshita and Narita's future plans. Something about college and how they both might have applied to the same one. It reminds Hinata of what he heard earlier and he stands up so fast Kageyama jolts at his sudden movement. 

“Did you hear! Nishinoya-san plans on doing volleyball professionally!” he says and beams, his voice full of pride.

“What? Seriously?! That's amazing!” Kageyama replies, rejuvenated by the sound of it and turning around. He interrupts the third years in their conversation without paying a second thought to it.  
“Nishinoya-san, is it true? You want to go pro?”

A little caught off guard at first but smirking in the next second, Nishinoya nods at Kageyama's enthusiasm and lets out a laugh.

“Yup! So, huh, what do you think?”

“That's amazing! If there is anyone who could do it, then you! That's... so cool!”

Hinata thinks Kageyama is sparkling a little too much. Well, metaphorically, but if he could do it, it would be everywhere. Then again, he gets excited thinking about professional volleyball. Maybe the sparkles are contagious but he doesn't mind. 

“You two... seriously, you even said the same thing,” Ennoshita says with a sigh - a broad smile covering his face, still. Hinata and Kageyama turn their head around so fast they can hear their necks snap. 

“I want to do it too! Going pro!” they yell and it seems to be unison day because they say it at the same time – even with the same pitch of voice. They face each other in disgust for a second but turn their heads away again in slight embarrassment. Of course Kageyama would want to do the same. He has always said he would. Hinata can't say he doesn't feel reassured about that. 

Nishinoya laughs warmly and goes up to both of them, smacking their shoulders. 

“You should! Maybe we'll end up playing in the same team, even! Or against each other, that would be pretty interesting! Don't give up on that because I won't, either.”

“We won't!”

Hinata forgets about the heat, the hunger and the pain in his joints as they keep on talking. About how amazing it'd be to play volleyball forever in case they go pro. About how they want to reach the very top of the world. Tsukishima disillusions them fast by showing up and telling them it is impossible for athletes to play forever due to age and other factors. Hinata doesn't remember because he stopped listening at some point. He doesn't want to think about that yet. There will be a time where he will but it hasn't come yet. 

But he does start to imagine what it would be like if he plays volleyball after high school. Being part of a professional team. Playing in official matches. Perhaps even against teams from overseas. His heart leaps in his chest and he tries hard to suppress a grin that would make his cheeks hurt. He gets reprimanded by Kageyama for looking dumb as he stands up and gets ready for another training match. 

The time will come in which all his dreams will be reality, he knows it will. He will make sure they will come true. No matter the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn did i get the second years right bc this gave me actual problems, i write none of them like ever and suddenly 5 of them at once (sweats) WELL I PROBABLY MESSED THEM UP SOBS


	2. A Heart to Heart

The time after training camp is always the most difficult for Hinata. It feels odd not to be exhausted, not to have heavy limbs and not eating a vast amount of food to recharge energy. Training camp is just a week long but it still is the essential part of Hinata's summer vacation. Now that it's evening it's boring him even more to sit at home doing nothing. He could play some video games or maybe hang out with some of his friends nearby although he hasn't done that in a while. Practise has kept Hinata too busy to think about meeting up with old friends. Lately, the best way to pass time is exhausting himself to the point he falls on his bed and passes out.

It's an hour later when Hinata decides he wants to at least take a ride around the area to get rid of some extra energy. It's dark outside yet it is still as hot as during daytime though the air feels fresher. A breeze is rushing over Hinata's face as he rides down the hill with more speed than he probably should. He minds not to fall off his bike like last time where he ended up covered in flower and kitty band-aids his sister plastered him with. 

He shifts his weight to the front a little when he notices a familiar back. Most likely a hallucination due to the heat because there is no way this would be his training route. It's too far away from his home and it's already night time. Then again, Hinata wouldn't put it past Kageyama to do this. He would do it too in the mornings but he does need to be on time for school and all. Before Hinata thinks thoroughly about it, he calls out to the person in front of him instead. 

“Kageyama!”

Hinata stops next to him and Kageyama does the same, a puzzled expression on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks as if it would be the most unusual thing to meet Hinata close to his house when it should be the other way around. 

“I could ask you the same. Aren't we supposed to be resting? This is a pretty huge distance you've run, you know,” Hinata replies as he slides off the saddle. When his feet touch the ground, he feels his knee pricking but it's most likely because he minded braking too much before. 

“Yeah, you're one to talk. It's not exactly resting what you're doing either so get off my back.”

He stretches his arms as he talks and it makes Hinata wonder when Kageyama had left home. It must have taken him at about an hour of jogging to get here. Hinata's stomach grumbles and he realizes he went out without having anything to eat before that. Kageyama turns to him and they seem to be thinking the same thing. 

“How about we go and eat something?” Hinata proposes, feeling embarrassed and a little defeated because he has noticed Kageyama grinning. That almost feels like a point lost.

“Yeah, okay. Lead the way.”

Hinata nods and goes ahead, pushing his bike next to him and thinking about how he'll definitely try and do the same thing tomorrow. Jog up to Kageyama's neighbourhood and maybe drop by his place and eat his mum's great pork curry. That would be amazing. 

“Say, Kageyama.”

“What?”

He turns his head to Hinata and there is this look on Kageyama's face lately that Hinata can't decipher. It's unlike anything he has seen the past year. He is not sure if Kageyama just tries to look nicer than usually – which would be a mild failure in Hinata's eyes – or if he has thoughts he didn't have before.

“You said you wanted to do volleyball professionally, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So nothing. That's great, I knew you would say this. I just wanted to make sure you weren't boasting,” Hinata says with a grin. He stops in front of a small convenience store, locking his bike to the low fence in front of it. 

“Boasting? Me? Why the hell would I be doing something like that, you moron? This has nothing to do with boasting. It's what I've always wanted to do.”

The shorter boy nods and slaps over Kageyama's back with some force, making him cough and shoot Hinata a glare. 

“Yeah, but you know, hearing from Nishinoya-san he means to go pro too and all that stuff, I thought maybe you just wanted to sound cool.”

They walk inside and Hinata looks around for something warm to eat. Buns. That would be great. But at this time of the day they are usually sold out and the old lady isn't in the front at the counter either. Kageyama seems a little lost as if he doesn't remember why he is here in the first place. It's now that Hinata notices Kageyama often looks like this and he holds back a grin. 

“Isn't that you?”

“Huh?”

Hinata is caught off guard by Kageyama's question. He is trying to process it while staring at the grim-looking setter being torn between different types of snacks. How did it even come to this? He was the one asking questions first. How does Kageyama always turn things around like this?

“Well, isn't it you who wants to sound cool saying all that?”

“Of course not! Though I admit it did sound pretty cool but it's not because of that I was saying it! I mean it! I told you before too, don't you remember?”

Kageyama grabs two snack bars and as Hinata's voice gets gradually louder, he turns around to face him instead. Their eyes meet and Hinata's heart stops for a second. There is this look on his face again and all of a sudden it annoys Hinata greatly not to know what it means. Kageyama isn't the type to be condescending even if he seemed like that at the very beginning. He never underestimates anyone, and he always takes things seriously. But right now, right here, Hinata feels a little like Kageyama doesn't think he is capable of following through with his words. 

“No, I do remember. And I'm aware you were just trying to tease me before because you're a dumbass. But you know, that made it sound like I've never been serious about my words. There isn't anything I have ever meant more than those exact words. I am going to go pro, no matter what it takes. This is what I have always wanted to do. You were saying you wanted the same, right? Then think the same way as I do and don't tell me bullshit like I wanted to sound cool.”

“But it did sound cool.”

“Absolutely. But also serious.”

“Yeah. Seriously cool.”

Kageyama glares at him again but it feels a lot less hostile than before and walks up to the counter. His words weigh heavy on Hinata's mind as he follows him. He didn't mean to hit a nerve – his own, that is. For Kageyama to declare it as clearly as that makes Hinata think he definitely wants to follow that path too. Because this is his dream too, as it is Kageyama's. No matter what it takes.

“What are you spacing out for like this, let's leave, come on.”

Kageyama's voice cuts through Hinata's thoughts and he looks up into his eyes. Again. The same look. It starts to annoy Hinata. Because he starts to realize something now. No one else he asked before has noticed this sort of different look in Kageyama's eyes. Which probably means he only looks at him like this. But why? He could ask but he probably wouldn't get a reply, would he?

“What's with you?” Kageyama asks and raises an eyebrow in confusion. Just now Hinata notices he holds a paper bag in hands and rustles through it, pulling a meat bun out and biting right into it. He needs too long to process the situation, that Kageyama wears an expression he isn't familiar with and that he still got meat buns when Hinata was sure they'd be sold out. 

“Fine, if you don't reply, I'll eat your meat bun,” Kageyama exclaims, taking another bite. It's steaming and it looks delicious and Hinata wants one too. 

“What?! No, give me one! Give me one, that's not fair, you didn't even give me the chance to reply!” Hinata exclaims and jumps up to Kageyama's side, reaching out for the meat bun but the other avoids with ease and slips out of the store. The shorter boy follows up and jumps up Kageyama's back, accidentally holding onto his neck too tightly. The setter coughs loudly, Hinata clutches onto his shirt harder so he doesn't fall off. Yet he doesn't move an inch to give Kageyama some space to breathe. 

“Don't die, Kageyama-kun! You are going to drop my meat bun!”

“Get the hell off my back!” Kageyama wheezes and tries to shake Hinata off but he fails as he starts coughing again. Hinata realizes he should at least loosen his grip a little but decides to snatch the bag out of Kageyama's hands while jumping off of him. 

A stinging pain jolts through Hinata's left leg when he lands, making him yelp. He breathes in sharply and shakes his head. Just landed in a really dumb angle, that happens all the time lately. It's so bothersome. 

“What was that?” Kageyama asks, still out of breath but at least standing straightly again. 

“What was what?” Hinata takes a bite from the meat bun and almost burns his mouth whole. He grimaces but takes another bite, in an attempt to kill the pain from before. 

“You just made the weirdest sound when you landed, what the hell.”

“No, I didn't.”

“You _whined_.”

Hinata gives Kageyama a look, confusion blatant and blinks. 

“Are you sure you are not hearing things? You are probably exhausted and you didn't look too good just now. Maybe that was you.”

“You were trying to murder me, of course I didn't look good! And also, I do not whine.”

They stare at each other in silence for a second and they both seem to remember the conversation they had at the end of their first year when Suga left the team. He told them to take a moment sometimes to recap what they are fighting about and evaluate if it's worth the hassle. Because if it isn't, they'd have more energy left for training. 

Both Hinata and Kageyama seem to come to the same conclusion after that moment of silence. 

“You totally whine, too. I heard you while we were training and you got this spike from Tanaka-san right in your---”

“You were the one yelping just now, don't talk about bullshit! Why did you do that?”

“What are you so hung up on that for?” There it is again, Kageyama's look. Now this is positively the worst possible moment for that. Hinata feels irritated and he is about to ask but Kageyama speaks up faster. 

“Because it happens a lot lately.” The same thing he thought seconds ago from Kageyama's mouth almost makes it seem like this is something more serious than Hinata thinks when it isn't. He knows it isn't. 

“I'm just jumping higher than before.”

“And landing harsher.”

Now perhaps Hinata might be able to tell what Kageyama's eyes tell him but he doesn't understand why. And he forgets about Suga's words and about thinking for a second before talking to avoid possible fights. He takes a step closer to Kageyama and slaps over his back again, a grin covering his face. 

“Aw, you almost sound like you're worried, Kageyama-kun. Don't be, I'm fine! I've just been resting for too much so my whole body is just begging me to train more.”

When Kageyama doesn't glare back but still has that terrible face on that doesn't suit him at all - according to Hinata - he walks up to his bike and removes the lock from it in silence. He doesn't mean to fight with Kageyama but he kind of asks for it now. 

“You want to play after high school too, right?” Kageyama's voice rings in his ears but Hinata omits to answer at first. He thought he made that clear enough before. 

“Do you even listen to me? I told you I---”

“If you want to do so,” Kageyama interrupts with stern face, his voice heavier than ever before, “then mind little things like these. This could lead to an injury that is far beyond you. It could be irrelevant but what if it isn't? If you had problems with your joints the past weeks, then you should get that checked before it's too late.”

“Now you're just being scary. This has happened before too and you didn't make such a fuss out of it. What's the deal?”

“Don't piss me off. If you are going to be serious about what you say is your dream, then don't take things as lightly as you do right now. How can you say you'd do anything for it if you're not going to see what is wrong with you? As an athlete, you can't just brush over things like these.”

Hinata doesn't know what to say. It's not that he hasn't considered it but it is nothing big to him and until now he has had aches like these too. But Kageyama never scolded him for it like he does now. He wonders what the reason is that the other suddenly feels the need to lecture. 

“You're the one who wants to play even when injured so I don't think I need to hear that from you,” Hinata retorts and he doesn't know where that came from. He doesn't mean to start a fight. But---

“I _want_ to play. But I don't do it. There is a difference. Or did you see me play when I broke my wrist? I'm just telling you to get the goddamn thing checked, not to stop playing. This is important.”

Now Hinata knows he has no reason to be angry at Kageyama. But the way he is looking at him makes it feel like pity and the fact that it's most likely, definitely nothing bad but he tries to act as if it is pisses Hinata off more than it should. 

“Important for me. Not for you.”

“Do you seriously think this doesn't concern anyone else but you? Think about Karasuno. Think about what you told me. About how you were going to reach the top of the world. You talked about it not even half an hour ago.”

It hasn't really been a promise but sometimes Hinata likes to think it was. Although it originally meant to be them competing against each other... with the time Hinata has been thinking it wouldn't be bad to keep on playing like this. They get enough chances to challenge each other while being in the same team too. Perhaps he's just gotten too used to playing with Kageyama. But it isn't a bad thought. And maybe – very unlikely but who knows – Kageyama thinks the same. 

“It's really nothing, though,” Hinata replies and he hasn't noticed when his anger subsided and his voice has gone softer, “so don't worry so much about it. It's scary when you're trying to be considerate, okay? I haven't forgotten and I will never forget what I said before. If it does get worse, I am going to go and see what this is about, I promise.”

Kageyama crosses his arms and grumbles, discontent about Hinata's words but he doesn't object either. Instead, he walks past Hinata and clicks his tongue. 

“Fine. Don't break it. I'm going to go home now.”

“Yeah. Take care. Or a bus.”

He earns a glare by Kageyama before he mutters a good night and jogs off. Hinata stares after Kageyama and bites his lower lip as he thinks about Kageyama's words. He was genuinely worried. Hinata knows that. But he doesn't need that concern right now when he is already frightened to think that it might be something worse than expected. Something that might get in the way of what he wants to achieve. Something that might destroy his dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hinata why


	3. A Manager's Job

It's not much of a big deal, Hinata said yesterday but Kageyama can't help but be worried about that dumb sort of behaviour. He feels like he hasn't gotten his point across yesterday. And now he sits at the sidelines after a week of training break, taking a sip out of his bottle and watching Hinata play with the first years. There is nothing wrong but sometimes he moves slower than usually and misses tosses he wouldn't have missed before. Perhaps he is just imagining things – or perhaps he was right yesterday about Hinata underestimating the situation. 

It is a spontaneous decision when he stands up and walks up to Coach Ukai, speaking up with a loud voice. 

“Coach, can I ask you something?”

Ukai jolts and stares at Kageyama for a second, startled by the sudden conversation the boy strikes up but nods. “Sure, what is it?”

“Maybe it's just me but have you noticed Hinata playing differently than usual?”

Ukai lifts an eyebrow and his eyes wander back onto the court where Hinata is spiking tosses made by the new first year setter. He takes some time to reply but when he does, he sounds pensive. “Not different but slower. Sometimes he doesn't reach the same height he used to although that doesn't impede his way of playing until now. He still hits your tosses.”

Kageyama nods but minds to look serious as he talks. “Yeah, but I wonder for how long he will.”

“Do you know something I don't?”

“I'm not sure about it but it seems he's been having problems with his joints. I met him yesterday and tried to ask him about it but he didn't tell me anything directly. I don't think he is going to listen to me, for whatever reason.”

Ukai raises an eyebrow and sighs. “I will keep an eye on it. I must say I haven't noticed anything worsening significantly until now. I'm wondering whether Hinata would risk his health over playing right now if he plans on playing after high school too. You wouldn't do that sort of thing if that is what is on your mind.”

There it is. A little better formulated than he did yesterday but it's still the same thing he told Hinata before. Kageyama presses his lips together and shakes his head. 

“I know I wouldn't do it. But Hinata doesn't slack off. Never.”

Before he gets the chance to hear Ukai's reply, the others seem to have finished and they start a practise match on Ukai's order. Nothing special, they always do this sort of thing. Kageyama doesn't focus on what he talked about with Ukai before. He decides that the coach is aware of it now. As he should be. Certainly if Ukai calls out to Hinata, he might listen better than if he tells him. Promising to do something as soon as it gets worse – that's not an option for Kageyama. That is already too late if it happens to be something serious. 

Kageyama catches himself thinking, every now and then, that he doesn't want Ukai to call out at all. That he judges it to be nothing serious. As much as Kageyama complains, he hopes Hinata stays right about what he says and that it's nothing. 

It's in the middle of the second set when Ukai interrupts the game. Kageyama feels like his shoulders are heavier than they should be. Hinata just barely got a toss but managed to cover it well enough. Except Ukai pays attention now. He does because of him. A tweet from the sidelines. And Kageyama freezes.

“Hinata, get off the court.”

Everyone's eyes lock on Hinata who wears a confused expression. He doesn't seem to understand for what reason he'd be taken off. 

“Huh? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

Kageyama feels highly uncomfortable all of a sudden as if he sold out an information he shouldn't have. It's just for the best though, isn't it? It's not like he wants to harm Hinata. The opposite it is. 

“Not wrong but you are putting too much pressure on one leg. All your jumps go from solely your right leg even when it would be more favourable to use the left one. It damps your jumping power in certain situations.”

There is a sort of silence in the gym with everyone still looking at Hinata, expecting him to reply with a 'Oh, I didn't notice that'. Including Kageyama. He knows though. He knows Hinata isn't the same as in first year anymore. He knows how to move faster and be more efficient.

“But why take me out for that? I know now that you told me! I'll fix it so---”

“Hinata, I shouldn't have let you play after what Kageyama told me but he asked me to watch you play and make my own judgement. As you haven't told me whether you are hurt or not, I don't know if that's the reason you are making mistakes. They might not hinder you right now but eventually this is going to be a problem,” Ukai says in a surprisingly calm manner. He is aware of what Kageyama has told him before. That Hinata refuses to listen. 

“Ah, is that true? Are you hurt, Hinata?” Ennoshita asks with wrinkled eyebrows, genuine worry in his voice about what he has heard before. 

Kageyama's eyes wander to Hinata and he feels like he's seen this sort of stance before. His head lowered, he looks so... small. As if being scolded is nothing he's ever experienced before which isn't true at all. His back is hunched and he seems to have difficulties thinking of something to reply. 

It is just in his best interest. Kageyama doesn't want to embarrass him nor make him leave. He doesn't mean to make him feel bad. He just wants him to listen and get his head out of his ass. It took him a while too, to understand that being injured is a state you should not play in. That you should let it rest or it will get worse. Kageyama understands Hinata's sentiment. Wanting to play at all times. But he wants him to go farther than high school. He promised he'd follow. 

“No, I'm fine.”

Hinata presses the words out, sounding so unconvincing that even the first years are looking at each other in confusion. Their foreheads are in wrinkles about always-sunny Hinata-senpai being in a situation like this. 

“Are you going to wait until it gets worse until you tell everyone, then? Are you going to wait until you have to quit because you've been overdoing it? Until now each one of us has gotten hurt at least once but we all rested until it has gotten better. None of us waited until it got worse to have it checked,” Kageyama hisses and he doesn't know where this has come from. He didn't mean to speak up earlier. 

He wanted to keep quiet. He doesn't want to repeat himself or be dramatic. He still hopes for it to be less serious than he thinks but he has a bad feeling about this from the start. Even the tiniest and most insignificant injuries can become a hurdle if not treated. Kageyama just wants to pass on what he has learnt with difficulty. 

He hasn't expected Hinata's reaction, though. And it hits him a lot harder than it should. 

The shorter boy snaps his head back to him and shoots him a glare so sharp it cuts right through his chest. Kageyama doesn't know how being stabbed feels like but he imagines it to be somewhat like this, except more physical. 

He doesn't mean ill. He never really does. But by now Kageyama has realized that others don't think as he does. He didn't expect that person to be Hinata, though. Hinata who always went along with his trail of thought no matter how stupid it seemed to everyone else. 

“Didn't I tell you yesterday I would? You just go off scaring everyone that I'm injured when you don't even know! What gives you the right to meddle? As far as I can see it would be my problem if what you said was true! Don't act as if you understand when you don't!”

Kageyama can just barely hear the others in the background telling them to stop fighting when he grabs Hinata's collar with more force than intended. The other doesn't seem to object; the opposite seems the case. Hinata is out for a fight, Kageyama can tell by his eyes. But why? Has he messed up this badly? Isn't Hinata the one who doesn't understand?

“Why do you keep saying this is your problem alone!? Look around yourself, just look already! How do you dare saying this doesn't concern any of us!”

He can feel Tanaka's grip around his shoulders already and he can see Hinata being restrained by Nishinoya. Hearing them say something, probably trying to calm them down but Kageyama can't hear. It is all just a blur to him. All static noise. It just gets louder when Hinata pushes him away and stumbles backwards, Nishinoya holding him upright but tightly so he can't fight back. 

Their voices seem so, so far away. Even Tanaka's does though he is right behind him. All Kageyama hears is Hinata's voice and it keeps playing over and over again. With disappointment and frustration and he swears he never meant to make Hinata speak like this. 

“I trusted you yesterday when I told you about this! Because you said you would be fine with it if I promise it to you! I thought you of all people would understand! You want to stand on court, no matter what it takes! You said so yourself!”

Kageyama doesn't know it feels like to be stabbed neither how it is to pull a knife out and let it bleed but now he knows how both feels without ever experiencing it. There isn't much he hears anymore. Not any of his teammates calling out to them. Not what Ennoshita says when he goes between them, blocking the sight of Hinata to Kageyama. He barely even realizes that Tanaka lets go of him because all the tension in his body has left. 

Hinata is not going to listen to him anymore. No matter how much he will repeat himself, he won't listen anymore. Yet Kageyama can't stop his mouth from running over the same words again. As if he hopes that maybe, perhaps Hinata will open his ears to them after all. 

“You will never be able to stand on court if you are too stupid to understand that a single injury, no matter how unimportant, no matter how okay it seems to you... no matter if it has happened before and it was nothing serious back then... it can be the end for your time playing.”

Now Kageyama isn't sure whether or not the silence is his to hear or whether everyone has simply gone quiet after his words but there isn't a single sound. They haven't gone unheard as Hinata casts his eyes on him, dismay so strong that Kageyama is grateful for Ennoshita blocking his sight. He never means ill. But who still gets it?

He doesn't pay attention to what happens, doesn't notice that Hinata breaks free from Nishinoya's grip and runs. He flees. And all of Karasuno seems to follow him – except for Kageyama. There is not much more he can do. There isn't anything he has done until now. 

“Kageyama-kun... are... you okay?”

Yachi approaches him carefully and he appreciates the gesture but he doesn't need that type of comfort now. He lowers his head and avoids looking at her, praying she leaves him be. But she is smart, he knows. She can read situations and take the right decision. She's a good manager. 

“I don't think it's me you should be worrying about.”

“You were trying to do the right thing.”

Kageyama nods slowly and lifts his eyes to look at her. Her forehead is all wrinkly, her lips all pressed together and her hands clasped together. A sigh escapes Kageyama's lips. How did it come to this when he didn't mean for it to go awry for once? 

“Aren't you going to go look for him?”

Yachi stares at him for a second, Kageyama not backing down and then nods eagerly as if she's forgotten what she was about to do. 

“Ah, uh, yes! It will be fine, right? This has happened before. The two of you will be fine, right?”

She doesn't know whether Kageyama thinks the same right now – he probably doesn't but she wants them to get along. They are her friends and she doesn't want them to fight. Again. Yachi has seen this before although this feels different from last time. Perhaps this is why she is uneasy right now. She doesn't exactly expect Kageyama to say 'Sure, it'll be allll okay'. That... would be kind of weird. Maybe magic could make him say that sort of thing in the same tone she imagined it but other than that... no. He probably won't say that. 

It's fairly easy to get along with Kageyama, Yachi found out. He is actually a nice guy though maybe really far too single-minded but you get used to it. And there is a lot he explained to her about volleyball... despite doing it in his own words. But they seemed reasonable at the time and Yachi is sure she got the gist of what he was trying to say. She doesn't know if he considers them friends but she knows she does. 

She instantly relaxes when he gives out another sigh and shrugs his shoulders. 

“I don't know,” he says and sounds as frank as ever. It shouldn't relieve her but not knowing is better than saying it will never happen. Last time, it worked out too. There has to be something she can do now. Anything would be great. 

“Ah, do you mind if I interrupt you? I meant to talk to you, Kageyama-kun.”

Takeda's voice is ringing through Yachi's ears and she remembers – the second time now – that she meant to go after Hinata like everyone else did. Kageyama throws a look at her she can't really decipher at first but once she gets going and leaves Yachi is sure that it's probably worry. She is reminded of Hinata asking her if Kageyama was looking kind of silly lately but she didn't notice anything and wonders if that's what he meant. 

There is no way she knows where Hinata is or where he could have gone. She comes across some of the Karasuno members looking for him but they all told her the same. He is probably just running around so they never catch a glimpse of him. At least he doesn't seem to be on the school grounds any longer if everyone is already frantically looking for him there. 

She decides to step out, past the fence and look around on the streets. What if he got run over by a car? What if it was a motorcycle? She heard there were gangs around this part of town, what if it's one of these biker gangs with bats and all the type of equipment to down someone like Hinata in less than a second? And now Karasuno doesn't find him because they already threw him in the river. 

The dawn seems crazy scary all of a sudden and the rustling in the bushes makes her flinch. Aside from the fact that it was a bunny running within the bushes to hide, her thoughts go farther than before. Perhaps by now Hinata is just really mad no one saved him and thinks no one has been looking for him. What if he starts haunting the gym? And he'll be like one of the Karasuno High School myths floating around. Only that the myth is true and you can hear the sound of spikes hitting the floor if you listen closely during night time. 

A shudder runs down her spine and she looks around frantically. The thought makes her tear up, Hinata is definitely not dead at all. Her legs move by themselves as she thinks that she will definitely speak to ghost-Hinata and calm him down and tell him they all wanted to see him again, they all were looking for--- 

There he is. On the playground not even 100 metres away from the school grounds – Yachi has no actual idea how she got here, when did she start moving? - just from the corner of her eye, she recognizes Hinata's t-shirt. The one with the volleyball mascot on it and looks up to see a familiar figure sitting on a swing by himself. 

“Hinata-kun! You are alive! Thank goodness!”

He flinches and looks up immediately as she approaches him with fast feet. He looks confused, at first but chuckles in the next second. 

“Uh? Thanks? Good to see you too?”

Out of breath, Yachi stops in front of him and tries to breathe in deeply. She fails and thinks that maybe this is it for her now. Hinata might not be dead but if she just--- no, she needs to focus now. 

“I--- everyone--- we've been looking for you! I got scared you might have been caught by a biker gang...”

Hinata wears a puzzled expression when Yachi looks at him, obviously trying to think of an incident concerning a biker gang lately. Weirdly enough, Hinata never questions her outbursts. He honestly thinks about her trail of thoughts sometimes. Yachi doesn't know whether to be thankful or tell him that even she doesn't have control over her own thoughts. 

“There was a movie about a biker gang yesterday. That one was pretty cool! I forgot the name though... Did you watch it too?”

Oh. Well. Maybe it was not the latest news Yachi has been watching yesterday after all. Biker gangs would probably not come around here. At least Hinata is safe and not a ghost or anything scary like that. She sits down on the swing next to Hinata and suddenly, despite the good mood before, Yachi feels pressured all of a sudden. She doesn't know what to say but as a manager, she should, right? Especially to Hinata. 

It's not difficult to talk to him. It has never been. But this situation, it could be something beyond what has happened until now. She decides to simply say what comes to her mind. Hinata always does it like that and says the right things so she feels like it would be appropriate to do the same. “Um, Hinata-kun. Are you... well, is it... are you hurt?”

“Are you going on about this too? Just get off my back already!” Yachi jolts at how Hinata raises his voice but when she turns her head to look at him, he doesn't look angry. His eyes are wide open as if in shock over yelling. He lets out a deep breath and his head sinks as he speaks. “I'm... sorry. I didn't...”

“No, no, it's okay! I understand! I mean no wait, I actually don't understand but I know you are upset so it's fine! I mean no, wait that's not fine at all, it's just---”

“Yachi.”

She breathes in as he calls out to her and is stuck with looking at him. It's not the usual broad smile that makes her own cheeks hurt once she smiles back but it's still a smile he shows. It makes her feel a little easier than before, frankly, and she is disappointed in herself. To let Hinata pick her up when he's the one suffering right now doesn't feel right. 

“Thanks. For worrying. I know you didn't mean to pry. It's just... It's difficult right now. A little.”

Hinata lowers his head again and bites his lower lip. It doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it. Yachi can't imagine what is going through his head right now but she doesn't want him to stay in a bad mood. She wants to help, however she can. 

“D-Do you... um. You probably don't want to talk about it but if it would make you feel easier, I'm not going to say anything about this. I promise!”

She hears Hinata chuckle although she swears his expression hasn't changed significantly. Maybe he's a ventriloquist. Doesn't have to move his lips while speaking or laughing. She didn't know what kind of hidden talents there were within Hinata. He stays silent for a while, giving room for Yachi's thoughts to reach the point that she imagines Hinata might become a star and she might need to get his autograph now before he is too famous because of his unique talent. 

“Yachi, do you... do you have a dream of what you would like to do after school? When you're an adult?”

She turns her head to look at Hinata who is looking at his feet dangling onto the ground. The tips of his shoes touch the ground and he slowly swings back and forth. 

“Well... when I was really young, I wanted to be a veterinarian. But then... I figured I'm too afraid of most animals. I will probably do something like my mum... you know, designing? Except I'd...”

Yachi presses her lips together and feels embarrassed. She has never told anyone about her plans before. Well, plans might be a bit much. She doesn't think she will be able to pull it off so it's more of a dream than anything else. But perhaps...

“You'd...?”

Hinata looks at her expectantly and suddenly, she regrets saying it. She regrets mentioning it. Then again, this is Hinata so he isn't going to laugh at her. No matter how dumb the idea might sound. She averts her eyes but still decides to keep on talking. 

“I'd... like to... I... want to study architecture. I know, it doesn't suit me either but... I have always liked thinking about how to plan space thoroughly and sometimes when I'm walking past empty fields I start imagining how to use it. It's fun!”

There isn't a reply at first so Yachi looks back up – at Hinata who looks at her with amazement shining in his eyes. 

“That sounds amazing! You are great at planning and at drawing so it suits you just great, what are you saying?!”

It would be a lie to say she doesn't feel overwhelmed at Hinata's sudden outburst. Her eyes go wide and she feels her face go hot. “That's not the only thing needed, you know? There is a lot more and I don't really...”

“But why? You're really super smart, right! And you are really tidy and neat, too! Besides, if you find it fun, it's even better! I'm not saying you should do it if you don't want to but.. it sounds like a good dream.”

“S-Super smart, that's not really---” Yachi interrupts herself, knowing fully well she isn't going to get anywhere by protesting and instead focuses on why she'd been embarrassed in the first place. “Don't you think it's... a bit much?”

“Nah. You can do anything as long as you are set on achieving it. If this is what you want, you should keep following it. There might be things beyond having fun at planning and being good at drawing to be an architect. I wouldn't know about it. Probably a lot of maths and that sort of stuff. But even if it's things you aren't good at at first, you shouldn't give up. It's not too much as long as it is what you want.”

Those are definitely words that come from Hinata's heart. Yachi knows. This is how he has gotten through training until now. He hasn't given up for a single moment. Yet she isn't sure if she can do the same. The strength Hinata has is different from hers. It is different from anything she has seen. There is no way she knows for sure but until now, Hinata has changed by far more people than he gives himself credit for. Including herself. 

“You are planning on playing volleyball professionally, right? I heard from the others. It suits you! I can't imagine you doing anything else. It seems like this is what you should be doing, Hinata-kun.”

He looks at her in surprise but unexpectedly looks bitter. At any other time, he would have beamed at her brighter than the sun itself. “Right? I think so, too,” he says, a crooked grin following. It doesn't look honest but Yachi doesn't know why. She might think of a reason or two but... she had hoped it would not go that far. 

“What else would I do except for this? There is nothing else I've been thinking of for the past years. Whenever I thought about what I wanted to do later on, it would be volleyball. I really love this sport.”

Hinata's voice doesn't sound much like him. Yachi doesn't hear him talking this seriously often. He is always such a bright personality, almost too much to handle sometimes. It's pleasant, though. Like you don't have to worry about anything at all around him. It feels so different now yet not necessarily bad. She decides to listen if Hinata is willing to speak. 

“I know.”

He chuckles and nods. “It's not really a secret, is it? Training is always fun to me, even when it's painful. Especially when it is, actually. That's when I feel like I've achieved something. But... there is this kind of thing and it hasn't gone away like it usually does. It feels... off. It doesn't hurt much right now but it is a different kind of pain than usually. I know that. I also...”

Hinata seems reluctant to say the next words but he presses them out anyway. “I also know Kageyama is right. If I don't take care now, then the only thing I can do and want to do in the future will be gone. But...”

His head hangs low as he continues. “I'm scared of knowing what it is. I don't want to hear that I'm not allowed to play anymore. I know it's stupid, that it will just get worse if I don't do anything at all now. That I might make it worse now than it would need to be. ...But I'm just so afraid of knowing. I've been telling myself that it's nothing the past weeks, I've kept on saying it until I firmly believed it. Even until now, when I play it isn't much. I haven't even noticed I started pressuring my other leg because of that. Until I got called out on it... until I heard things I wanted to forget... I didn't mean to keep it a secret. I just... I didn't want to see it myself, I guess.”

Yachi means to say something – anything, really – to break the silence but there isn't much she can say. For all of this to concern Hinata... it seems like a lot to carry on his own. What would he say if she would be in his situation? 

“'You can do anything as long as you are set on achieving it.' You said so, right? And you haven't given up on volleyball yet, have you?” 

“No! Of course not!” His reply came so fast that it makes Yachi laugh. Of course not. She just meant to make sure. Not for herself but for Hinata.

“Then don't make it sound like you did, you dumbass!” she exclaims and tries to imitate Kageyama's voice. It's not even close to the original but it makes Hinata laugh anyway. Again, Yachi feels like she relaxes in an instant and she keeps on talking. 

“It sounds scary what you've been shouldering all this time. I can't even imagine what it feels like but I know you are stronger than that. An injury is not going to keep you off court. You of all people are going to come back and be even more powerful! ...Please don't make me imitate Kageyama-kun again, I'm really bad at it...”

Hinata shakes his head with a laugh – a hearty one, finally – and pats Yachi's back lightly. 

“You're really not good at it but it's good you aren't! I don't need another Kageyama around...” he says and shudders seem to run down his spine as he keeps on talking. “...But thanks, Yachi. For listening and cheering me on. I talked pretty much, huh? Oh man, how embarrassing. That was totally not cool at all.”

Yachi can't help but giggle at Hinata's words. Minding to be cool even in such a situation definitely sounds like he is almost back to normal again. There isn't much she can do because this is an issue Hinata has to battle alone. Even if she dislikes it but she doesn't mean to corner him either. It is obvious he knows what is on stake. But perhaps the one thing she has been practising might come in handy. 

“Well, I kind of... learned how to put on bandages from Ts-- I mean, a friend of mine. You know, for whatever might happen to any of you on court during a match. So if you want me to, I can do that for you. There isn't much else I can do until you decide to get a check-up. It doesn't help much but...”

She clenches her fists around the chains of the swing and turns her head to face Hinata. He simply smiles and nods. 

“You're a good manager, Yachi. It's great you are around.”

Her face goes all hot again. Being praised is really nothing she can deal well with. She has tried but until this very day, she still isn't used to it. Although... she hears it a lot ever since she has joined Karasuno. Sometimes she messes up but they still never tell her to get lost. So many times she had been scared of being left behind. But they never did. She has never felt more appreciated. 

“T-Thank you! I'm... I'm really glad to be here with all of you! I'm happy I can be of help, in whatever way possible. So...”

Yachi takes a deep breath and she is sure she hasn't spoken this loudly in a while. 

“Don't give up! We'll all be right behind you! Please rely on us!”

Hinata is startled by the volume of Yachi's voice and she is on the verge of apologizing for it but as soon as she sees his face lighten up with the bright, bright smile that forces her to reciprocate, she feels like she was able to at least ease his pain. Now it is up to him to overcome the fear – but Yachi knows that as long as he doesn't give up, Hinata will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love hitoka yachi with all my might and tbh i refrained myself from describing her too often as a really good and caring manager BUT SHE IS PLS SEE MY APPRECIATION FOR THIS GEM also pls yachi, biker gangs? really? also yes, tsukishima is the one who teaches her how to perform first aid. sly, tsukki.


	4. Reconciliation

The next day at lunch time, Hinata jumps out of his seat and runs over to the classroom next door. His eyes roam around but there is no sign of Kageyama. That guy... he's probably out practising. He greets a few people hastily on his way down the stairs and thinks about what he could possibly say to Kageyama. 

He totally blasted it. And by that, he figures Kageyama is probably mad at him and he has all reason to. It makes Hinata feel uneasy to think about his words because he feels like none are really going to be the right ones. What did he do last time to make up with him...? He can't seem to remember. 

The sound of a ball hitting a wall comes to his ears as he approaches his gym and there he is, Kageyama seems to be practising serves on a bottle he placed in front of a wall. Hinata isn't close enough for Kageyama to notice so he does the same set of movements, over and over again. 

As Hinata watches him – he doesn't get to do it so often – he thinks it will be difficult to catch up on everyone if he misses out now. Then again, he isn't the first one to get hurt and miss some training and all of the others are still playing on the same level so he should be able to. But this is about much more. This is not only about now, it is about later, it is about the time afterwards, the time in which he promised Kageyama to chase after him no matter where that would lead him. But what if he can't? 

“Kageyama!”

When...? His body has moved on its own accord, his voice coming out without him deciding to and he takes a step forward to a baffled Kageyama stopping in his tracks so abruptly that he hisses – but Hinata is met with eyes wide open in shock once Kageyama realizes whose voice it is. 

“I will play after high school! I will still play and I will kick your ass and you will be sorry for not keeping me off court because of your words, you'll see!”

Hinata's eyes are closed, lids shut tightly but as he opens them slowly, Kageyama's expression goes back to normal. A frown on his face, eyebrows wrinkled, lips forming a pout, almost. 

“As if. Not in 100 years, you dumbass,” he replies, holding the ball tightly in his hands. His fingers are rubbing over the leather and Hinata knows that he only does that when he's feeling unsure. So he might be a little afraid of Hinata being better than him. Heh. 

Hinata exhales and he needs something to hold on as he speaks, grasping the fabric of his shirt and it's going to get so wrinkly but he doesn't care. He needs to say it, he needs to tell Kageyama. 

“...I'll... be having an appointment today so I can't make it to training today,” he says and lowers his gaze and he expects Kageyama to yell but there is no objection. He decides to continue. “After... yesterday, I have been thinking a lot and... I called to get a check-up. I want to play.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama's voice is calm, frighteningly so, but Hinata needs to keep on going. 

“I probably won't be able to come to the second training camp either.”

“Yeah.”

“And I'll also not attend practise all summer long, probably. If I'm here, I'll just jump up to the court and I won't be able to rest so...”

Hinata expects to hear the same reply as before again but Kageyama doesn't say anything instead. His eyes are focused on the ball in his hands as if it is the most interesting thing in the world. Well, it almost is.

“Make sure to get well soon. Preliminaries start soon.” Both him and Kageyama know that it is unlikely for Hinata to get into the starting rotation for preliminaries if he is like that. None of the injured members ever have, not even Kageyama himself in the last preliminaries. But it is a motivation. It has to be. So Hinata strikes up a grin and pats Kageyama's arm. 

“Don't worry, I'll be back faster than you can look, I can't let you get lonely out there, can I?” he says with a laugh but earns a disgusted look from Kageyama. 

“Who is going to get lonely, what the hell.”

Hinata spends the rest of the lunch break simply watching Kageyama serving after he returns to his prior position and he feels guilt prick up in his stomach. Guilt over empty words. He doesn't tell Kageyama this, though. Preliminaries start soon. It resounds in his ears and he knows that's the goal he is working towards. 

-

The last day of August comes fast, much faster than Hinata wishes for, and summer is over now. The heat is still lingering, the air is still stuffy but there is a fresh breeze outside that tells him that, indeed, summer is over now. It is time for him to go back. ...Or it should be. But instead he sits at home and he watches records of the last nationals in front of his TV, never to lose his groove. It might take a bit longer, the physician said, it seems like your ligaments are quite worn out, it will be fine if you refrain from pressuring them too much in the meantime. He asked about volleyball, when he can play again. He was told soon but that he should mind to take it easier from now on. He asked about chances to play after school. But Hinata doesn't remember what the reply was. He doesn't want to.


	5. Future Plans of the Former Firsts

The air in the gym feels heavy. It is so hot that even breathing seems like a chore and it is visible in everyone's faces that they are tired beyond words. It is the same setting as last year, Hinata thinks, except he is the third year now along with Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi. This is the last training camp in high school. Hinata doesn't voice it but he feels baffled about how quickly time passed. It seems like yesterday that he had his first day at high school, jumping into the gym and seeing Kageyama of all people. But now--- 

“So did you see, Nishinoya-san played the first time as a regular a week ago! Considering he is playing in a League team, that is incredible,” Yamaguchi says and Kageyama nods in agreement. “Although the general thought of him having been scouted by a top team... do you remember his reaction?”

“His non-reaction, you mean, he stopped breathing for several seconds straight,” Tsukishima adds, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “Though he screamed right afterwards so I suppose his lungs were filled with enough air to last him.”

“I can't believe that's almost been a year since then,” Hinata says and all eyes are on him. Now he reminded them. Great. 

“Yeah, we're third years now. We should probably think about what to do after high school. At about this time last year and the year before our senpai were talking about the same thing, you know.”

Yamaguchi smiles and he seems so much more confident now. Hinata almost doesn't want to think back of their first year – for neither of them. Kageyama was plain scary, Tsukishima was plain mean, Yamaguchi was – to use his own words – an emotional wreck and Hinata doesn't have all to many good memories of his first year self either except for hard-working but... he has definitely gotten better at that too. It makes him grin. 

“I don't think I need to say anything,” Hinata says, “and neither does Kageyama.”

“Don't speak for me,” he hisses but nods. “...Though, I guess it's true. My plans haven't really changed.”

“One-track minds will always remain one-track minds,” Tsukishima says as he adjusts his glasses, his face as expressionless as ever although... Hinata is sure he can see something like a grin and it looks smug so he pretends not to see it after all. 

“Oh yeah? What's _your_ plan, then?” Kageyama sounds slightly irritated. Hinata guesses there things that don't change.

“Unlike you two, I have good grades so I will go to college,” he replies with a sigh and Hinata can see Kageyama clenching the bottle in his hand a little tighter. He has learnt to ignore most of what Tsukishima says, or how Yamaguchi told him once “It's just his way of getting along with someone.” Hinata highly doubts that, frankly, but what Tsukishima said is kind of true. Neither him nor Kageyama are particularly good at school. It's still irritating so he throws a glare at Tsukishima but it isn't reciprocated. 

“It's a really good college, too,” Yamaguchi adds, “and apparently they also have a really good volleyball team!”

In one fluid movement, both Hinata and Kageyama turn to face Tsukishima with an expression of utter disgust. He simply ignores them, as always but it doesn't keep them from staring at him. 

“Is that so,” Kageyama says, glaring, “Well, look who's talking about one-track minds.”

“It's a coincidence,” Tsukishima starts and takes a sip out of his bottle, “Simply because the team is good does not mean I will play.”

“But you want to.” 

Hinata earns something he categorizes as a glance from Tsukishima for his words although he doesn't know what the feeling behind it is but he quickly turns away, folding his hands in his lap. “Aren't we omniscient today,” he scoffs. 

“Om...ni..Om--- what the hell are you even saying, all I know you're totally going to play!” Hinata quickly utters, his voice unexpectedly loud to cover his embarrassment. Damn that guy and his dumb difficult words. He knows Tsukishima does that on purpose and the blond affirms it with a complacent grin. 

“My reason to go there is because the college is good. My brain is not a volleyball like yours.”

“Just keep pretending, Tsukishima,” Kageyama eventually says, oddly calm. Tsukki glares at him from the corner of his eyes but he leaves it at that and with that, silence falls over them. Perhaps that was a little much for Kageyama to say, neither him nor Tsukishima seem to want to talk to each other anymore. The air is not tense, it never is between them lately, it is simply a little cold. And that feels pretty weird – especially for Hinata and Yamaguchi who look at each other with raised eyebrows. 

“So,” Hinata starts because the silence is unbearable and seriously, they need to knock it off already, “Captain! What are your plans!” No one replies and Hinata pats Yamaguchi's shoulder with some force. “Yamaguchi, are you not talking to me anymore?”

He yelps and his body goes all tense, his eyes wide open. 

“A-Ah, right... you meant me... don't call me that, Hinata, I'm not really used to that...” he says, wearing a troubled expression. 

“But you are our captain,” Hinata and Kageyama say in unison, one excited voice and a bold one mixed together to add to Yamaguchi's embarrassment. They scowl at each other – this happens a whole lot more often than it used to lately, what the hell – but direct their eyes at Yamaguchi quickly again. 

“T-That's... you know, I...” Yamaguchi struggles with his words, fiddling with his fingers. Maybe he is not as confident as Hinata has thought before but he is definitely a good captain. He remembers being the one proposing Yamaguchi. 'Since he always takes care of us anyway and I don't want to be lead by Tsukki' Hinata had said back at the end of their second year when Ennoshita asked him who should follow up for him. Naturally, Tsukishima hadn't reacted aside from a simple huffing, and Kageyama agreed wholeheartedly. 'Yeah, besides he always has good advice for the underclassmen and we all trust him so sure. Can't believe you thought about this thoroughly, Hinata.' It ended up in them fighting but Ennoshita ending it quickly by saying Yamaguchi would have been his choice too. 

“It's still kind of weird being called Captain, you know,” Yamaguchi eventually brings out with a blush on his face, covering his freckles whole.

“Fine, if you don't like it, I can quit it. But either way, do you already have plans of what you are going to do, Yamaguchi?” Hinata asks and slides closer to his friend. He nods slowly, obviously flustered. 

“W-Well, um... I am planning on becoming a pastry cook. Since I like baking and all and you all tell me the things I make are good so... I am planning on applying at a culinary school in Sendai.”

Of course, Hinata is the first one to react, holding onto Yamaguchi's shirt and gasping in awe. “That's amazing! And it's totally what you should do, I could eat tons of your sweets every day!”

“You shouldn't, though, you know? You'll get fat and out of shape if you do,” Kageyama sneers but a smile creeps up his face as he continues, “though I gotta admit I'd like to have more than one birthday a year if that means getting a cake from you. They are great.”

“Well, it's Tsukki's birthday soon, you're gonna make him a cake, right, Yamaguchi? I'm so jealous that my birthday was a few weeks ago, that chocolate-something cake was sooo good.”

“Yeah, sure. I always make cake for everyone's birthday so...”

Hinata grins. “Of course. And Tsukki especially loves cake.”

There's a sigh from Tsukishima who cleans his glasses and looks, in Hinata's opinion, even more stern than usually without them. Plus, it's plain weird. “I do _not_ love cake.”

“Whatever would give us that idea,” Kageyama starts, his voice as biting as it can get and Hinata already has laughter stuck in his throat because he knows which story is going to come. He had hoped Kageyama would go along with him. They really are on the same wavelength. “Except for that thing last year when you had cake with you for an entire week after your birthday and you practically inhaled every piece before training in the locker room, thinking we wouldn't see you.”

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow and Hinata figures he thinks about a comeback, needing unusually long. He opens his mouth but Yachi comes flying in with a huff.

“The first years are really a handful... oh man, I feel like I lost all the weight I gained from eating cookies out of fear before coming to training camp.”

“Fear?” All guys ask at once – except for Tsukishima who is not so secretly pouting over how he didn't have the chance to counter Kageyama. 

“Uh, well... in order to steel my mind for a possibly haunted mansion, I was checking out some horror movies... turns out that was a bad idea... I couldn't fall asleep and stuffed myself full with sweets.”

They all share a second of silence until Tsukishima gets the word. “I do not love cake.”

“Huh? Really? Don't you like that shortcake Yamaguchi-kun makes? The one with strawberries on top?” Yachi asks innocently and a smug grin comes onto Kageyama's face, Hinata snorting at Tsukishima embarrassedly averting his eyes, his face mostly neutral except for a semi-glare but his ears are red as a well cooked crab. 

“D-Did I say something wrong,” Yachi utters with worry but Hinata shakes his head. 

“Nah, don't worry. ...We were talking about what we are going to do after school. Tsukki wants to go to a college with a good volleyball team and Yamaguchi applies for a culinary school which is so super cool!”

“Really?!” Yachi's eyes go wide and she lets out a dreamy sigh. “Ohhhh, Yamaguchi-kun's pastries... with tiny pink flowers above and filled with self-made cream and a topping of sugary sweetness... I think I'm getting sentimental...”

“Well, your birthday is soon too, I could make whatever you want,” Yamaguchi says with a smile on his face, Yachi turning her head to him so fast it cracks. She yelps in pain but sinks down onto the floor excitedly, right next to Yamaguchi. “Make those little tiny cakes from last year again!”

Yamaguchi nods and lets out a small laugh as he agrees to make them. Hinata figures it would only be fair to ask Yachi about it now. 

“Hey, Yachi. Are you still having the same plans as last year when we talked?”

Everyone's eyes are on Hinata filled with confusion while Yachi seems flustered at first, unable to reply. But she relaxes quickly, brushing her bangs behind her ear and smiling. 

“Pretty much, I guess? I mean, I am clumsy and I'm really nowhere as organized as my mum is. It's also a lot of work and staying up late and concentrating for long periods of time on difficult tasks... and it's a lot of responsibility, you know? But I really like the idea...”

“Hm? Wait, I didn't catch your plan,” Yamaguchi says, still looking puzzled. 

“Oh! Uh, I... had told Hinata last year how I'm kind of sort of... um, planning to go and study architecture.”

“Ah, wow, that sounds difficult but really nice!”

“Right!? That's what I said too, and it totally fits you, Yachi. Especially if you want to do it!” Hinata exclaims excitedly, bouncing off the ground. 

“Hm, yeah, I think if you like imagining to do that then go for it. It might all sound really difficult at first but no one starts off great at new things,” Kageyama adds calmly with a nod. 

Yachi tries to suppress her smile, moved by everyone's words as it seems and giggles. “Are you going to tell me you weren't good at volleyball at first, Kageyama-kun?”

“Nah,” he says like it is nothing and even Hinata is surprised at Kageyama's honesty. “I couldn't even properly serve when I first started. I kept letting the ball fall right into my face or hit the air or stuff like that. It also took me ages to serve over the net, I kept bumping the ball into it.”

“Well, well, the times of a little prince in growth. Interesting,” Tsukishima sniggers and there they go again, Hinata thinks. He is sure it has gotten worse over the time although it's probably their way of being friends. While they mock each other at any given time, they work perfectly fine on court, at least. Not as good as him with Kageyama, of course, but Hinata feels almost proud to realize that Kageyama does get along with everyone, also with all of their underclassmen just fine. 

“What did you say?” Kageyama hisses at Tsukishima but he is being ignored. 

“Make sure to think about your choice thoroughly, though. Don't be like two certain one-track minds rushing into things head first. If you like it, it is fine but you will have to deal your future long with it.”

Yachi nods in agreement. “I will keep that in mind.”

“You know, now he really pisses me off,” Kageyama mutters as Hinata slaps over Yamaguchi's back with a laugh. 

“Say, Yamaguchi, do you still have that photo we shot of him in the locker room with the cake?”

“I think I d---”

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima cuts in in an uncharacteristically loud voice, “don't feed the idiots.”

Hinata notices Kageyama is ready to go before they are interrupted by a loud “You are slacking off more than your goddamn underclassmen!” that makes all of them freeze and look at each other with panic in their eyes. Even Tsukishima lowers his head to avoid seeing Ukai stomping at them with anger in each step. Hinata is almost sure he feels the ground vibrating. Before he reaches them, they all stand up, Hinata grimacing at a certain pulsating pain with no one noticing it. Maybe he will tell them. Tomorrow or so. Soon. Or so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you realize this is all self-indulgence pls realize bc i really just want pastry cook yamaguchi and 3rd year hinata calling tsukishima tsukki.


	6. Solar Eclipse

It is two days later and still as hot as the days before, the air so humid that it makes their shirts stick to their bodies more than it should. After a session of dealing with the noisy first years – a new bunch of first years who are even more obnoxious than those before – Kageyama exhales and he would appreciate having a fan or something of the like right next to him. All of the others are on court – almost all of them. Hinata is off somewhere else, most likely out running. Probably. Kageyama can't stop thinking that Hinata seems down lately. Not in a bad shape, he still plays as well as ever. Despite being injured, that is. It hasn't ever really gone away. Last year, Hinata missed out on their second training camp and came back shortly before the preliminaries started. They had barely missed the chance to pass Shiratorizawa and advance to the nationals even though Ushijima hasn't been playing for a while any longer. Still a really good team. Huh. Either way, Hinata hasn't been doing too well during the preliminaries but he recovered right after. It went okay for a bit – but he got injured in spring tournament again and sat out for another month. Kageyama doesn't want to know how Hinata felt at that time. Nothing feels worse than going off court.

He seems just fine now. A little slower but it's fine. And he does score most of the points for Karasuno. Kageyama swears he has heard a few people at training camp referring to Hinata as Karasuno's ace, mostly first years though. He hasn't told Hinata about this though; he would just brag about it infinitely. 

“Kageyama-kun?”

He looks up as he is called by Yachi who stands right in front of him. When did she...?

“Are you taking a break?” 

“Yeah...” he replies, still baffled as he watches her sitting down next to him. Yachi is perceptive, he noticed this innumerable times before. She always knows when someone is bothered by something. She is a good manager and she handles their underclassmen incredibly well. Not that he is jealous of that or anything like that although he has asked her for advice more than once about how to deal with them properly. 

“The first years are keeping you busy, huh? It was the same last year! You are popular with them!” she says, giggling softly. 

“Popular... I'm not so sure about that... Much rather, I think they probably don't have anyone else to ask about this. Hinata is still shit at technique, Tsukishima takes the piss out of them most of the time and Yamaguchi gives them great advice and tips but they still end up coming to me, somehow. I don't even know how to explain things, I'm sure they don't understand half of what I'm saying. You should see how they stare at me,” Kageyama replies, only slightly bitter at that. 

“...Yeah, that's probably true. I also think they are intimidated by Coach Ukai, too. They often come and ask me too but there is only so much I can do and... I have sent them to you more than once,” she says, shivers running down her spine as she looks at Kageyama from the corner of her eyes. “Don't kill me, please. I swear I won't do it again.”

He blinks at her in plain confusion and shrugs. “I? Don't really give a damn. Send them over, who would kill you for that?”

For a second, they both look at each other, bewildered about each other's words but Yachi quickly shakes her head and raises her arms in front of her chest. “N-No one! I... was just saying. ...A-Anyway, uh, do you mind me asking you something?”

Why is she always so wary around him? He swears he hasn't done anything to give her a reason for that. he thinks. Probably. ...No, there is nothing. “Sure?”

She nods quickly and casts her eyes onto the court, her eyes locking onto Nekoma's players. “I've been worrying about Hinata lately. You know he usually let me do his bandages and all? Ever since training camp started, he hasn't asked me once and when I try to talk to him, he changes the subject. I've been wondering if he told you anything...? Maybe?”

Kageyama follows the movements of Yamaguchi on court, doing a jump float serve. He hasn't messed this one up in months. Good for him. “Nope. Nothing. Though I do think he is up for bullshit again if you ask me.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Sometimes he sits by the sidelines when he takes a break and he is so absent-minded that when you ask him who plays, he has absolutely no idea. Even though his eyes are fixed on them. He spaces out a lot and in the last two days, it also shows in how he plays. I mean from the outside no one notices, probably, but I do. I know when it's my tosses going awry or Hinata simply failing to receive them properly. It's not much, he still hits them but it can be better. I know it can. It's like last year, tiny mistakes and stuff, he's off.”

Kageyama presses his lips together and he tries not to worry Yachi too much. Although judging by her expression, he has already messed up. He would be lying if he said he doesn't think Hinata might be hiding something. He does, and Kageyama fears it will end up like last summer. He doesn't want to experience that again. A fight a year with Hinata is what it will end up being if it comes to that and he would rather not let it happen. 

“...Do you think he is hurt?”

He turns his head to Yachi and she doesn't look up still. 

“I don't think he ever properly healed, actually. It seems like this has been a lot more serious than we thought. Than he probably thought himself. I have no idea why he keeps it to himself when he shoots his mouth off about literally anything else... but he probably has his reasons for that. Though they are probably dumb. Like him,” Kageyama says and hears a faint giggle from Yachi who now has lifted her head to look at him. 

“I just don't want him to bear this alone, no matter what it is. I don't want any of you to suffer all by yourselves. Anything can be solved by tackling it together... or so I think,” Yachi mutters, drawing circles on the floor with her index finger. 

“Solving a problem alone is just bound to make more problems,” Kageyama replies and Yachi looks at him in surprise over how determined he sounds. He knows how it feels wanting to do all by yourself. Except he hasn't had a single person who had been willing to listen to him back then. Unlike Hinata, he didn't have a choice but to do it by himself. Or maybe... things could have gone different with a different approach. It's all in the past anyway. “But there is nothing much we can do right now.”

“Don't you think we should ask him about it?”

“And then what?” Kageyama replies and stands up. His legs hurt but he can't tell whether it is from crossing his legs for too long or simply sore muscles burning. “Wait for him to blow up as we mean well? Or maybe hear a lie like 'I'm fine, don't worry'. Whatever reason he has to keep it a secret from us, asking him won't bring us any closer.”

“...You don't want to fight with him again, do you?” Yachi says, and her voice is trembling with worry. He feels oddly discovered. Didn't think it would be that obvious. The thought of fighting with Hinata is terrifying him. It did the first time, the second time and it does now. They probably aren't friends, he thinks though he isn't sure where teammate ends and friend starts. He doesn't know where partner starts or ends either. He doesn't know anything and it makes him cringe. If Hinata doesn't tell him anything, they probably aren't friends, after all. Friends trust each other. Probably. He doesn't know. He thought he would by now but he isn't sure any longer. If they fall out again, it might be forever. If they survived two fights that big, maybe the third will break them. He doesn't know. 

“No,” he breathes and there is no reason to think about something like that anyway. If he doesn't say anything, there will be no fight. If he shuts his mouth unlike the last time, there'll be nothing to be afraid of. Except he won't be able to stand by and look at Hinata destroying himself in the process. Except it will end up in a fight once more. “I don't want that.”

He can feel Yachi worrying more with every passing second and he had no intention of this happening. Upsetting others over his own worries is seriously the worst.

“I'm sorry, Kageyama-kun... I didn't want to---” she starts but Kageyama interrupts her by shaking his head and giving her a half-baked smirk.

“It's fine, don't worry about it. I'm just no good with fighting and reconciling and that sort of stuff. ...Where is he right now anyway? Haven't seen him in a bit. Is he slacking off?”

“The last time I saw him was at about 20 minutes ago. He was on his way to the locker room, I think. I thought he came back here?” she asks and great, she looks even more worried than before. Apparently she tends to think too much over things and imagine worst case scenarios in which all of them die or something like that. Hinata told him before but he didn't listen too well. 

“I thought he went out for a run? Though now that you say it, that would be kind of weird, to go all alone. I'll go check, maybe he's still in the locker room or in the bathroom. Who knows maybe he collapsed while shi---” He interrupts himself, remembering Tanaka's words from last year about how he should watch his mouth around a “sweet girl like our new manager, don't be vulgar or you'll scare her”. Something like that. “Maybe his stomach is acting up,” he corrects himself, clearing his throat. 

Yachi looks at him, confused about his sudden change in tone but nods. “Yeah, do that.”

Kageyama's steps feel heavy as he passes by the courts to the back of the gym. The locker room is not an actual locker room – just a small room with two lockers to store their things while they are on court so they don't have to pile it all up at the side lines or walk back to their rooms to get them. He opens the door and peeks inside. 

Hinata sits on the small chair leant against the wall but he doesn't lift up his head at the sound of the door opening. Absent-minded again. It has happened too often lately. Spacing out for no reason. The silence is crushing, Kageyama can hear Hinata breathing softly but he doesn't move an inch. His hands are folded together, holding something Kageyama thinks is the brace he wears on his left knee to cover the bandage underneath, said bandage spread across the floor. Hinata doesn't seem to have bothered to pick it up after taking it off. 

It's not how quiet it is, not how eerie the entire situation is that makes Kageyama press his lips together and taking a sharp breath in. It is that Hinata's knee is entirely bruised, red marks sunken into the skin. The bandage must have been far too tight for it to leave such trails behind. How did he even move like that?

“What the hell...” Kageyama breathes and Hinata's eyes shoot up, locking onto him. He looks startled but he quickly averts them as if he is feeling guilty. He stays silent, squeezing the brace in his hands and tensing up. 

Kageyama doesn't want to fight. It is the last thing he wants right now. But his heart is hammering in his chest, it is a feeling he doesn't understand. He has no reason to be upset. Yet Hinata sitting here by himself being completely out of it, being completely not Hinata at all, all quiet and withdrawn makes his blood boil. This isn't anger. He knows too well how anger feels and this is not it. It is frustration. But what about? Why him? If anyone has reason to be frustrated it is Hinata. But he seems calmer than ever. As if he has given up on being frustrated. 

“For how long has it looked like this?”

Hinata doesn't look at him and it takes him a while to reply audibly. “...Three days or so.”

Kageyama steps closer and he can see Hinata tensing up. He is expecting it, to be yelled at and scolded. Hinata is waiting for it. But as much as Kageyama cooperate with him there and be the one to smack him out of this pathetic state, he feels unable to. 

“Why haven't you said anything? Why haven't you told us?”

“I didn't know how to,” Hinata says quietly and while Kageyama knows he is honest, he can't help but feel like he was right about what he thought. Hinata doesn't trust him enough to share whatever burdens him. He had hoped they would be past sole teammates but the feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. 

“...What's up with the bandage? Did you mess up the binding or what is it with those marks?” 

“It didn't make the pain go away but I felt more stable on my legs when I pulled them on tighter. It was covered by the brace anyway so no one would notice about those.”

“'No one would notice'? Is that what it is about? You didn't want anyone to notice?” This is going into a direction Kageyama doesn't want. With every word Hinata says, every time he hears this low pitch of his voice that is so off for someone like Hinata, he keeps feeling more embittered. “Are you going to pull the same shit as last year? I thought we were through with this!”

Hinata's head jerks up and glares at Kageyama but he is met with resistance. If glaring is all he can do right now, he does a shoddy job at it, Kageyama thinks as he feels his eyebrows furrowed, staring back at Hinata. 

“What do you even know!? You didn't have to go and get checked every month since last year and you also didn't have to sit out two months in spring either. You didn't have to listen to doctors going on and on about how 'you should quit because this isn't doing you any favour, Hinata-kun' and you didn't have to sit at home thinking about what to tell your team why you pass on training camp again! You never had to face your entire team because you are getting injured so often that you feel like you are letting them down every single time it matters or that you are a burden more than anything else!”

Kageyama has never understood why his temper is short around Hinata. He is not exactly level-headed but he has a fair amount of composure, especially built in the last years so he wouldn't panic midway in a match and mess up. He has gotten used to Tsukishima even though that guy still ticks him off good sometimes. He has gotten used to pressure, to situations that seem hopeless but he has never quite gotten used to staying calm and composed around Hinata. He has tried, he always does because the fear of messing up a relationship he has come to appreciate - of being left behind again - is raging.

“So you are saying you are thinking about _us_? How are you thinking about us when you shut us out? How do you think about us when you refuse to tell us something so important, that you might not be able to play, that you might miss out, that we might need to change our strategy? We have more than enough people capable of replacing you if you are missing.” 

No, no, this is taking the wrong direction and Kageyama knows he needs to think before saying anything else, he remembers Suga telling him to calm down and think before saying something in order to avoid possible stress. To try and read the mood in order to keep the tide low. But his mouth is running before his brain processes. And the louder his voice gets, the more he simply wants to shut up. It keeps going. 

“Don't let it get to your head that people whisper you are our new ace. You are just as expendable as everyone else but if you don't tell us beforehand and then just suddenly keel over in a match, how will it make us stand?! How can't you think a second about that instead of wasting your time sitting here idly and hiding because you 'don't know how to tell us'! You don't deserve to be called an ace if you are going to be so irresponsible!”

Shit. Kageyama feels his body trembling, out of breath and feeling more exhausted than after 10 days of training camp. This is it. His heart is hammering, almost begging to be let out as Hinata looks at him with shock and disappointment, the same look he has given him a year before this, the same look that made Kageyama feel like he had been jabbed. 

Quicker than Kageyama is able to react, Hinata darts up the chair and grabs his collar, Kageyama ready to fight him off, already grabbing onto his wrists. But it isn't necessary as Hinata collapses under his own weight and drags Kageyama along onto the ground. He topples over Hinata, his hands letting go of his wrists. He manages to break the fall and land on his arms but buries Hinata directly underneath him. Shit. Shit shit shit. 

He heaves himself up, wanting to move away but one of Hinata's hands is still buried in his shirt, albeit lower now. It must have slipped down as he fell right over him. Kageyama sits up slowly and Hinata moves along with him, his face completely blank. He is shaking visibly, unable to understand what has happened. And for a moment, Kageyama didn't either. But losing your grip like this – Hinata can't put any pressure on his leg anymore. He can't stand. 

“Hinata----”

Kageyama has never seen anyone tremble like this in his life before. Like an entire tremor going through Hinata's body as he sits there, disturbed about what happened, his fingers burying in the fabric of Kageyama's shirt so hard that it will rip if he pulls it. His eyes are fixed on Kageyama's, looking for an answer and it makes Kageyama cringe. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have any sort of reply for Hinata that would ease his pain. Kageyama is sure Hinata doesn't need it. Because he is aware of what the cause of this is. What the reason is why he was sitting there on the chair, unmoving. Because he can't move any longer right now. 

“It hurts,” Hinata simply says, his voice so meek it is barely audible and tears start running down his cheeks. “Kageyama, it hurts.”

Kageyama averts his eyes and exhales. No. He had wanted Hinata to come and share his worries but he realizes that when it comes down to it, he is useless in such a situation. For the first time, Kageyama feels like there is nothing he can say to Hinata. There is nothing he can do. He feels helpless sitting in front of his teammate, no, his friend, his _best_ friend crying, the only person who had gone along with every single stupid idea he has had, even the idea of going pro. He had wished for it to happen. Kageyama had hoped for it to happen.

But more than anything, he feels as if he has been frozen stiff as he figures that Hinata has given up. He really has. The one person to push everyone else, no matter what plans they have; he has given up. And he didn't know how to tell everyone. 

“I came here just to fix the bandage because it came off but---” A sob interrupts Hinata's voice and Kageyama feels his insides clutched tightly. “When I tried to put it back on, I couldn't move my leg into any direction... Not bending it, not stretching it, nothing worked so I just waited until I could. I was---” Another sob, another arrow for Kageyama. “---so terrified but I couldn't stand up and tell anyone and I got lost in thoughts because I remembered that my doctor told me not to move too much, he told me not to play but I didn't want to listen. This is my last year...”

The tears are streaming from Hinata's eyes as Kageyama dares to look up, but Hinata isn't looking at him. His head is lowered and he is still shaking, Kageyama almost sure he trembles along with him. The grip on his shirt loosens until Hinata lets go entirely and his hand sinks into his lap as if it is made of lead. His shoulders are slumped, he almost looks like is curling up sitting upright so no one would see. He has never looked smaller than this. 

“I know that it's wrong what I'm doing. I know that this means my chances to go pro get smaller every second. I know that if I had listened to you last year, if I had just been less afraid of failing to come back properly after a break it might have never gotten this far,” he breathes and his voice breaks in between his words as if they were made of glass. Hinata tries to wipe his tears away but it doesn't work, for every tear gone two others keep falling. Kageyama shuffles closer to him and he reaches out for Hinata, his arm raised but he doesn't know what to do. He feels like anything he says would just make this worse. He isn't good enough with words but neither with skinship. He simply isn't good at cheering up. 

“I can't stop playing now, I haven't achieved any of the things I wanted! We haven't advanced to the nationals, we haven't played against Nekoma yet! I have never been Karasuno's ace and never been the small giant either. Just a giant loser who can't even stand properly anymore on his own two feet... what am I worth if I can't jump as high anymore? If I can't run as quick anymore? At the start of the year I thought I could still be scouted! It was just a single injury last year! The doctor said I should take it easy but that it would be fine and I did and it worked!”

Hinata is almost tripping over his words, swallowing letters entirely and making it hard to understand him as he constantly gasps for air in between his words. Kageyama listens quietly. He doesn't think Hinata expects him to say anything by now. He is simply speaking his mind. And his words hurt Kageyama. Has he always been thinking like this or is it the frustration pent up for more than a year ever since this started that is speaking out of him? 

“But then I got injured again in spring and I couldn't stop thinking that it might be bad, that I might end up getting hurt all the time and when I went for a check-up I was told I should probably avoid striving for an athletic career as it would do me no good! I know this doesn't mean I will never be able to but how can I hang onto this dream when the chances that I will be able to realize them are so small!?”

He breathes in and out in an attempt to calm himself down and Kageyama stays silent as Hinata leans his forehead onto his shoulder. He feels Hinata's tears falling onto his shorts, dripping through the fabric and leaving a hot but uncomfortable feeling behind. All this time Hinata had tried to keep his will up. He probably doesn't want to face it himself right now. He is right, it doesn't mean he won't be able to pursue his dream. But the possibility is sinking rapidly. 

“I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to go pro two days ago... I still want to... I want to so badly,” his voice breaks and shatters and it leaves Kageyama's throat dry, “but I can't even stand on my own feet anymore!”

The sudden volume makes Kageyama flinch as he listens Hinata sobbing, drowning the rest of his words in sobs and gasps for air, his tears soaking through Kageyama's shorts one by one. His body moves on his own when he raises an arm and wraps it around Hinata – he is still trembling but it is softer – pulling him a little closer. He leans his cheek against Hinata's head, his hair tickling him but he feels numb to that. To anything, for that matter. 

He can't do anything to ease Hinata's pain. This person, as bright as the sun, as warm as a summer's breeze, illuminating an entire room with his presence – he is crying so bitterly but there are no words Kageyama can think of saying. He realizes he is the reason for this outburst. If only he had kept silent... 

It's not even true what he said earlier. Kageyama doesn't think Hinata is like everyone else. Even if everyone is incredibly good, without Hinata, Karasuno changes drastically. It doesn't change the fact that he is still there as their setter and Tsukishima as their main blocker, Yamaguchi providing incredible serves of all forms and backing them up when necessary. All of their underclassmen have a level neither of the four of them had at their age, or so Kageyama thinks. Yet still, the plays drag longer, the points come slower if Hinata is not there. The surprises are little, their entire strategy changes. _His_ entire strategy changes. It makes Kageyama realize how much he relies on Hinata – and figures that the frustration he feels is partially because of that. 

If Karasuno were the solar system, Hinata would be the sun. Every play, every move, every feint, they revolve around him. But what if he'd be gone? They'd still hang on for a bit but what can you do if darkness falls over you? Building every move on Hinata's performance but not realizing what has been going on for all this time, what sort of teammate does that make him? What sort of... friend would that make him?

Kageyama jolts at the sound of the door opening, turning his head around quickly. Hinata seems too out of it to realize, still sobbing onto his shoulder. It's Yamaguchi who stares at Kageyama with confusion, the doorknob still in hands. Kageyama figures he doesn't see Hinata as he is covered completely by him but he can probably hear him. Ironic, he thinks, that of all people, he is the one shielding the sun. The shadow, the darkness, it might engulf Hinata after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know man. i don't even know. don't even look at me.


	7. A Captain's Burden and His Vice-Captain's Sacrifice

Yamaguchi's heart hammers in his chest when he holds the knob in hands and turns around, closing the door behind him. He still hears faint sobs from the closed door. Hinata is crying. And all he has done is back out of the situation. No worth a captain, he thinks and squeezes the doorknob. What would Daichi or Ennoshita have done? Not just as captain but as... teammates and friends?

“Yamaguchi.”

Ah. Tsukki. Yamaguchi slowly turns around and looks into the face of his best friend, an eyebrow raised questioning him standing in front of a closed door simply staring. He wonders if Tsukishima can hear Hinata.

“What are you doing?” He doesn't seem to. Yamaguchi bites his lower lip and turns around completely, leaning against the door. 

“I went in because I meant to get my towel. ...But...”

He remembers the look in Kageyama's eyes as he turned around. He was entirely helpless with the situation and regretful, somehow. He wonders if they had a fight. But that might have ended differently. There was no yelling. It was simply Hinata crying. Desperately.

Tsukishima waits patiently for Yamaguchi to reply as he picks up his words again. “...But I saw Kageyama and I think I heard Hinata. He... He was sobbing and instead of staying and asking and helping them I just... I left.”

The sound of shoes squeaking over the floor, of volleyballs hit against walls and back to their owner, of yelling from different side of the courts suddenly seems uncomfortably loud as Tsukishima doesn't speak up. It was the wrong decision. He never wanted to be captain. He never felt like one either. Everyone trusts him so much but he can't do things right like Daichi or Ennoshita did. 

“So what?” Tsukishima's voice is as calm as ever. Of course. He probably would have made a good decision too. Maybe. 

“So... what?" He is baffled by Tsukishima's response. "Tsukki, I am supposed to be there for everyone. I can't just leave when I see someone suffer.”

“Being a captain doesn't mean bearing everyone's pain with them. That would be too much for one person to handle,” Tsukishima says and folds his hands together. He has never quite gotten out of this habit, Yamaguchi notices. “You can still go in and ask what happened. No one keeps you from doing that.”

“I know...” Yamaguchi bites into his lip so hard he tastes iron. But even if he entered the room again, even if he asked, even if he helped, would that be right? Would it be what Hinata wants? What Kageyama wants? What would help their team? He doesn't want it to collapse simply because he is not strong enough to make a decision. Were those tears of defeat? Of giving up? Or maybe Hinata cried because he was hurting? Yamaguchi doesn't know. Because he hasn't asked. He hasn't stayed. He turned his back on them. 

“I can only assume what has happened, Tsukki. I don't know for sure. But...” the taste of blood spreads in his mouth, “...If this has something to do with Hinata's injury, then I have to tell Coach Ukai about this. I can't just stand by and watch Hinata destroy himself like this. It won't do him good. It won't do us good.”

He remembers how things went a year ago. Hinata had spoken to Kageyama about feeling somewhat off and Kageyama, doing the rightful thing, told Ukai. It ended up with Hinata feeling betrayed and Yamaguchi is sure that this time, Hinata will blame him. But that's fine. He can understand Kageyama's decision back then now. It's fine. If Hinata forgets to take care of himself, everyone else will gladly. 

“He has been slower lately. His movements are stiffer. He takes more breaks. It's not like I haven't noticed. I tried asking him but he would tell me he feels fine. If only I would have been more persistent---”

“It wouldn't have done anything," Tsukki interrupts. "It took him several months, a fight and a long talk from our manager to get it into that thick head of his that he can't treat an injury as leisurely as he did. You can decide to go in and ask what happened to ease your mind. You can go straight to Coach Ukai and tell him there are problems even if you don't know what it is. You can also simply decide to have never seen and cater to Hinata's idiotic needs by covering for him,” Tsukishima utters, his tone as composed as always. He crosses his arm and shrugs. “Either way, it is up to you to decide. And no matter which decision you take, it will have its advantages and disadvantages. You can't make everyone happy.”

Tsukishima is right. If he tries to make everyone happy, he is bound to fail. Whatever decision he takes, Yamaguchi is ready to defend it. He breathes out and the storm within him has calmed. He might not be fit to be a captain but he will do whatever it takes to get the best possible result. 

“I guess so... I will go and look for Coach Ukai, then,” he replies and minds to give his voice strength. There might be times he falls but he will make sure to stand up and tall. He is not Daichi or Ennoshita, he is not even half of either of them. But that doesn't change the fact that he is Karasuno's current captain and that everyone relies on him. He wants to do well. He wants to do the right thing. 

Tsukishima exhales and shrugs again. “Whatever you deem to be the best option, Yamaguchi.”

Best. Yes, that sounds better. Even the best option can still be wrong in some points but the most favourable overall. Yamaguchi pushes himself off the door, his back straight and nods lightly. He walks past Tsukishima who stands there for a few seconds more. 

Without basis, Yamaguchi is going to have difficulties explaining the actual problem to Ukai. And there is one person still lucid and not crying who could be of help. Three steps and an open door later, Tsukishima stands in the locker room, leaning against the wall. Kageyama has turned his head around, panicked eyes turning into a glare as soon as he spots him. Always thinking the worst, that Kageyama. 

“Kageyama, Coach Ukai is looking for you,” Tsukishima says, tone willingly teasing. He is long past the time in which he called Kageyama King just to rile him up or Hinata short just to make fun of him. But occasionally it helps either of those to focus on something else. Hatred focus or something like that. Standard for particularly simple-minded people.

Tsukishima can't see Hinata very well, only his face and his neck, everything else covered by Kageyama's figure. He seems to be sitting on the chair leant against the wall, his eyes focused on Tsukishima too. He looks exhausted and unlike what he usually looks like. The complete opposite of it. Whatever has happened, it must have hit him hard. 

Kageyama stands up, he shoots a last glance at Hinata who meekly nods and passes Tsukishima by, entirely quiet and without protest. That was considerably easy. The door closes right behind Tsukishima and silence falls over the room. He can hear Hinata breathing heavily as if it is effort to do the most natural thing the human body does. 

Tsukishima's eyes wander back to Hinata, his posture slumped, his head lowered and his knee looking terrifying. Swollen and bruised and, well, now Tsukishima has a general idea of what might be the reason for his breakdown. He takes a few steps into the small room as Hinata speaks up. 

“Aren't you going to go, too? To see Coach Ukai?” His voice is almost inaudible. For someone as loud as Hinata normally is, it makes Tsukishima almost sad to hear it. He opens one of the lockers and rustles through the multitude of things piled up in there, wrinkling his nose at a wet towel stuffed in there.

“No, I don't need to be there,” Tsukishima replies and fishes out the first aid kit from the back of the locker. It hasn't been in use this training camp, thankfully. Not yet. He closes the door and turns around, sinking to the floor in one single motion. He places the first aid kit next to him as he adjusts his position to kneel as comfortably as possible. This could take a bit of time, depending on how long Yamaguchi and Kageyama need to explain the situation. 

“Stretch out your left leg,” Tsukishima says and rustles through the kit. Ah, what does he need? With this amount of swelling and bruising, the injury must be good a day or two old, perhaps even longer. Would it do any good to ask Hinata about it? He might keep quiet about it. 

As Hinata does as he iss told, pain visible in his face, Tsukishima pulls a small stepladder to him on which Hinata rests his leg. He looks at him in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Obviously what you are too dull to do. How long has it been since it has looked like this?” he asks and stretches out to grab the brace Hinata usually wears from the ground. That's good, it seems to be fitting just fine too although Tsukishima spots nasty red marks around the area of Hinata's knee as well. Perhaps a bandage pulled too tightly but why wear both when one is already giving stability? Unless this is more serious, and it might be. 

“What?” Hinata is completely bewildered which is not necessarily a surprisingly new state for him to be in but he seems oddly absent.

“Your knee. How long has it been since it has been bruised like this?” he repeats and casts his eyes on Hinata's left knee, fingers touching it softly to feel how swollen it is. Very much so, this must have been for days like this. 

“...Three days, I think. But I could still move it,” he says but jolts under the little pressure Tsukishima puts on his knee. He breathes in sharply and doesn't breathe out until Tsukishima retreats his hand. “Hey, Tsukki, what are you doing?”

“I told you what. I'm only doing what you don't seem to be able to think of doing yourself. Has it hurt ever since? Continuously or every now and then? Has it become gradually worse?” 

“It has started hurting before I came to training camp but there was nothing to see. It only started being a little swollen after the first day. I think after the training set against Nekoma, the last one. Ever since it has felt a little like I was wobbling when I stood, like I'd break in even when I wore the brace. So I put on a bandage underneath the brace and it felt better but ever since...”

His voice fades and he lowers his head. “Ever since it has started bruising,” Tsukishima finishes and adjusts his glasses. “Naturally, considering you have done everything wrong you could have. As soon as your knee had started swelling, you had to speak up. Cool it and exert as little pressure on it as possible. ...Well, at least you wore the brace to give your knee stability but I am honestly surprised you were able to move because it is highly likely that your ligaments are injured. They have been ruptured before, haven't they?”

Hinata's eyes zoom up and he looks genuinely impressed. Not that Tsukishima feels flattered, even less in such a situation, but at least he doesn't seem as shaken as before. He comes back to normal and it is reassuring. Nothing is worse than a hysterical or uncooperative patient. 

“You sound like a doctor,” Hinata says, awe in his voice and light in his eyes back. Tsukishima raises his eyebrow and lets out a sigh. 

“You didn't answer my question.”

Hinata looks dejected but nods. He is almost as moody as a certain upperclassman Tsukishima has met once before, at this very training camp two years ago. Not to mention any names but him and Hinata are eerily alike. “Yeah, they were. Only partially though, it wasn't much.”

“'It wasn't much' is not exactly what I need to hear. As far as I remember you didn't have to undergo any kind of surgery, am I right?”

Hinata shakes his head. “No, I didn't. I just sat out for two months because it was a light rupture. It apparently healed back together, my doctor told me so. You sound exactly like him, by the way.”

Tsukishima sighs and thinks about the options. It might be another rupture, but it could also be a simple sprain. What he definitely knows is that Hinata should not move and doubts he can but he decides to ask before anything else. 

“You came back in June and we have the end of August now. Has anything happened in the time between beside light pain from healing? Have you been able to move your knee freely? Has it felt unstable? Has a more severe pain hit you?”

“Tsukki, will you be a doctor?” Hinata asks and Tsukishima starts to get annoyed. He really wants to go off topic as it seems. Closing his eyes and refusing to see reality, again. 

“Will you let this go if I reply to you? And properly answer my questions?”

Hinata nods and he seems energetic again. How nice. At least a little bit of normal has returned even if Tsukishima prefers a more silent Hinata after all. 

“Yes, I will become a doctor. Or at least that is the plan. Now that this is settled---”

“I knew it! Kageyama owes me, I told him you were gonna go for med. Like, you also volunteered to be our first aid helper, right?” Hinata exclaims and suddenly his entire energy seems to have returned and it makes Tsukishima feel more than uncomfortable. He will have to deal with that obnoxious behaviour again and wonders how he could have felt unsettled by Hinata being quiet. He should have stayed like that. 

“Did you honestly deduce it from that?”

“No! You also look like a doctor!”

Tsukishima doesn't know whether to sigh deeply to signal Hinata how incredibly idiotic that sort of remark was or whether he should simply pretend not to have heard. He opts for latter even though his eyes show his blatant disbelief still. His fingers wrap around the cooling gel in the first aid kit and he slowly shakes his head. 

“Since when do looks decide someone's career? If it went for that, no one would think you would like to play volleyball professionally,” he says and applies the gel onto Hinata's knee. He flinches with a yelp, maybe he should have warned him, Tsukishima thinks. Then again this probably won't help much. The bruising has already spread, perhaps applying heat would be wiser? But that might enhance the circulation and cause it to bruise even more. ...He will need to research more on this sort of thing. 

He picks up the bandages from the kit and catches a glimpse of Hinata's face. Ah. His smile is bitter and he looks like he is about to cry. Of course. Surprisingly, there are no tears when he speaks up with low tone. 

“...Looks like I won't do that anyway. Not any time soon.”

Tsukishima doesn't reply. He starts binding Hinata's knee. The brace might be too tight now with a leg this swollen, a bandage might give him more stability so he can stand on his legs, at least. So he can get up and stop being pathetic. So he can stop pushing everyone from behind without running along like the one-track mind he is. 

“Hey, Tsukki. Have you always wanted to be a doctor?” Hinata asks and shifts position in his chair, moving his leg slightly and whimpering. Tsukishima clicks his tongue and holds it still until Hinata stops moving.

“I happened to have a lot of anatomy books and the like at home so I read them and got interested. It was just one option,” he replies calmly as he continues pulling the bandages around Hinata's leg. Not too tightly or it might hinder his movements but not too loose either or it might not give him any support. He has done this often enough at home, theoretically, on himself but he has never been injured the same way. “Is this fine?” he asks eventually. Reflexively. 

Hinata nods yet again with a crooked grin on his face. “I bet you've always dreamt to be a doctor. I mean, you've got this med student thing going on about you. Do it, okay? You absolutely have to! You are going to be a great doctor! And yes, it's good,” he says and Tsukishima feels oddly irritated by his words. 

It is true. He has had an interest in medicine ever since he was younger, he has worked hard so he could get grades good enough so he could freely choose the college he wanted to go to. But he could have settled for something else too. Dreams are nice to fulfil but no one dies if they don't come true. Dreams are dreams for a reason. Not all of them become reality. 

“I don't need your approval,” Tsukishima hisses and pins the bandage after he is done. It looks good but he wonders how it feels for Hinata. “Move your knee if you can.”

“Don't be like that now,” Hinata pouts, “I'm telling you, you'll be fine. I know you can do this. I mean, you are super smart! Like the smartest person I have met until now in my entire life! If anyone can become doctor with ease, then you!” Hinata exclaims as he carefully moves his leg. It seems stiff but assuming from Hinata's face, the bandage is not too tight but he can simply not bend his knee. Definitely more serious than he thought. “...It's actually perfect. I didn't expect anything less.”

“You can't move your knee properly. Are you sure it isn't too tight?”

A quick nod and a wry smile are Hinata's simple reply. “Couldn't move my knee for half an hour now. It really hurts.”

Tsukishima sighs and he hopes Kageyama has not been dumb enough to keep his mouth shut about what happened. Well, he did spill the beans last year so there is no real reason he wouldn't do it now. Especially when this seems to be far worse. Hinata is willing to put his own health in line for a dream he might not reach anyway. Not like this. The more he plays injured, the less the chances are he will be able to play in the future so why? His dream is only out of reach because of his actions, because he was willing to ignore what he should have noticed. Hinata had destroyed his own dream. And it dawns on Tsukishima that he is probably very aware of that – but only now, really. 

“Have you given up yet?” he asks bluntly and Hinata averts his eyes, seemingly shocked about the sudden question. 

“N-No,” is the reply followed by a chuckle so empty it would make Tsukishima angry. It would if he wouldn't understand that desperate times call for desperate measures. He has seen something like this before. Where a dream has simply dissolved into nothing while draping and covering it as if things were fine. He folds his hands together and averts his eyes. 

“Then why are you doing this? You are hindering yourself. High school volleyball is still just a club. Professional volleyball is where things start getting serious. Why would you chose to give everything here when you can rest in order to give everything for where it matters?”

Hinata's voice sounds so quickly after Tsukishima's fades that it makes him jolt. “What do you mean 'just a club'? What do you mean 'for where it matters'? Karasuno already matters too. I am aware of that... I am aware of what Kageyama has told me too,” he almost whispers, “I know I am expendable. I know I could rest. But it's now that you are seen. Scouts have been around everywhere, you saw them too, right? I had already gotten injured in spring, I didn't want to be injured for fall preliminaries!”

“But you are.”

Hinata sighs. “...I am. I'll probably be, yeah. None of the options I could have taken would have been satisfying for me. If I rested, I would have let everyone down and the chances would have been minimal to get scouted. Who isn't seen, isn't taken. If I played like I did now, without minding the consequences, they'd come and haunt me. Like what happens now. If I rested, I could have played after high school but I'm not good enough for college and it's difficult to get into good teams when you are from the outside. If I played, I would have at least still had the chance to play for a little longer...”

“Before you mess up and become unable to play for good. That's counterproductive, Hinata. Not to say it is stupid because this is not only about the sport but also about your health, mind you. You could become unable to walk if you keep this sort of idiocy up for a reason like that. It is plain childish to demand to have more time when you clearly are not in any position to. I am sure you have been told not to play,” Tsukishima retorts and he cannot believe Hinata is more simple-minded than Kageyama is. So far he would have betted good money on it to be the other way around but even he proves himself wrong sometimes, it seems. 

Hinata tenses up and nods lightly. “Yeah... I've also been told that my chances to go pro are quite small anyway, that my ligaments are weak due to my way of moving on court, changing directions quickly when I just landed and... well, even if I would go pro, I would probably be injured a lot.”

“Does that keep you? It doesn't seem to if you are willing to take this sort of thing for high school volleyball.” Tsukishima lets out another sigh and he feels like he sighed more today than ever in his life before. He prays future patients may not be this difficult to give advice to. “If you already do this sort of thing then I am sure you could take it for professional volleyball as well.”

Both decide to stay silent until Hinata opens his mouth to say something when the door swings open and Ukai comes stomping in, followed by Takeda and ultimately Kageyama and Yamaguchi although they opt to stay at the door frame. It gets rather loud so Tsukishima decides to retreat and join the other two outside. Hinata calls for him a last time before he leaves. 

“Do the thing, Tsukki! Follow your dream, okay? And don't go along with that bullshit you used to say, just do it! I know you can, be a smartass like always!”

Ukai throws a glare towards both of them and Hinata shuts up quicker than ever. Tsukishima stands still for a second and wonders if he should reply. He doesn't and closes the door right behind him after exiting, the other two on either of his side. 

“Thanks for plunging me into the deep end, Tsukishima,” Kageyama hisses and oh, yes, there he goes. For a minute, he had forgotten entirely about Kageyama. He shrugs and glances over to Yamaguchi. 

“What's going to happen?” he asks.

“Well... from what we have heard, Hinata is most likely going to be sent back to a hospital home since we will be leaving soon, too. We all agreed it would be the best. Plus, he will probably be forcibly suspended from practise,” Yamaguchi replies calmly. 

“Punishment?”

Yamaguchi shakes his head. “For his own good. He won't be able to sit still if he is there with us. He did this last year too but now he's officially not allowed to come along. It's harsh but I think I understand Ukai's decision. He was shocked to learn that under his watch this happened... well, we all were,” he says, picking a strand of his hair and tucking it behind his ear. “Yachi has been there too, she is currently telling our underclassmen what has happened so they won't freak out if Hinata isn't around any longer.”

“I see,” Tsukishima simply says. It is a good decision. It sounds plausible as Hinata obviously doesn't understand otherwise. 

“What we have to do right now is to try and keep Hinata's spirit up. Chances are low he is still going to play with us in the preliminaries but that is up to his doctor to decide. It might not be as bad as it looks like but it also could be a lot worse than what we imagine it to be,” Yamaguchi says and Kageyama nods in agreement. 

“I think what we need to focus on is to give him a good ground to stand on if he returns – and if he doesn't, we shouldn't give him a reason to worry about us. In either case, we will need to work harder now that he will be out for a bit.”

“Kageyama, would you have done the same?” Tsukishima asks. It has been burning on his mind and while he is aware this is not exactly a very usual question for him – also reflected on Kageyama's confused face – he needs to know. 

“What? No. I mean I get why he might have. This is our last year here. This is our chance to show what we are worth, not only to rival teams and to our own but also to our future teams. Scouts are everywhere just waiting for us to graduate.” Kageyama crosses his arms in front of his chest and shrugs. “But to be honest, scouts have been around last year too, as well as the year before that. They have an eye to see whether you develop well and for that, Hinata shouldn't have worried. Even if he ended up injured this year in spring, I think he caught attention either way.”

“Wait, Kageyama, do you mean...” Yamaguchi turns his head around, his eyes wide open in surprise.

“Yeah. I have been scouted. Or well, definitely by one team, that is. Right after spring preliminaries. We didn't even proceed to the nationals but that guy had said, he had seen us play since we were in first year. But I haven't been scouted alone. He said he had given Hinata an offer too, apparently to 'keep the combo intact' or some sort of thing.”

Tsukishima clicks his tongue and furrows his eyebrows. “Why in the world would he do something like this then, this just makes him more stupid.”

“Because the guy said he was sure about taking me in but about Hinata he would like to wait for the next match. ...In the next, he got injured though.”

“But he still had that guy scout him, right?”

“Yeah, I asked him and he bragged to me about it, saying he was glad we might end up in the same team after all. So the offer was there, he had probably also been told about the next match thing because when I asked him if he called the scout back he said 'What for?'”

They all keep quiet and all sounds are suddenly far too loud again. Screeching shoes, volleyballs hitting the floor, voices yelling through the gym. Yamaguchi is the first to speak up. “So he refused.”

“No,” Kageyama simply replies. “He has given up. And it took me until today to realize what he meant. Back then I thought he meant 'What for, the year is still long' because this is what I told the scout too. I wanted to wait and see if there would be more offers by the end of the year. He said it would be fine, that he just wanted to be the first one to have called dibs or shit like that.”

Kageyama lets out a big sigh and his usually so stern face softens. “I only figured out today he meant 'What for, it's over now.' He hasn't refused because he hasn't even called back to speak to that guy. He simply gave up, thinking he would be of no interest either way because he messed the game up he was meant to shine in.”

Once in a lifetime, Kageyama and Tsukishima seem to agree. “He's stupid,” they say in unison and glare at each other as soon as they finish, Yamaguchi chuckling lightly. 

“So he has played for the sole reason of playing for a little longer... I think I can understand the sentiment but I would have never thought it would be Hinata of all people to cling to something like that. It seems like we might have to mend a lot more than we thought.”

This time, they remain to look at each other without saying anything anymore and eventually resuming practise as Yachi calls them. Their underclassmen seem in disarray for the rest of the day but so do all of them. If Hinata was the sun, then darkness had fallen upon Karasuno too quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doc tsukki bc he looks like a doc. wow hinata. wow. well either way, tsukishima and yamaguchi are fairly difficult to write so this chapter was hell for me but i liked the idea of tsukki being worried about everyone but, like, not showing anything of it. 
> 
> oh yeah and about the scouting thing, i honestly have no idea if that's possible but i hope it might be. it#ll work somehow, right (sweats)


	8. At His Back

Days later, the training camp is on its last day. In the same day the incident with Hinata happened, he had been sent back home for a check-up at hospital and called back to announce he would need to rest for the time being. Of course. Even if he had wanted to say he'd come back, no one would have let him. He needs to rest, Kageyama thinks. 

It is not just their own team that expressed concern, all teams present have been surprised about Hinata's sudden injury. Or not so sudden but they can't possibly know. It remains a mystery to Kageyama how Hinata was able to fool them like this. He doesn't seem like the type to be able to mask things well but he must have been mistaken. 

“Kageyama?” He hears a voice behind him, it is familiar by now. He turns his head around to see a tall, slender figure he has known ever since their first year. He wouldn't say they are friends but they get along – and most of all, Lev was good friends and rivals with Hinata. Opposed to the usual smirk on his face, he looks worried. “Do you have some time?”

He nods and slides over to give Lev room to sit down next to him. As he does, it makes Kageyama realize how huge he is. Even for him. And he has grown since first year too, Kageyama is almost sure he is over 2 metres tall now. 

“Well, um. Is Shouyou going to be alright? I tried asking him myself but he doesn't reply to me, he's probably too busy right now.”

Either that or he doesn't have the courage to tell Lev that he probably won't be back for the preliminaries and that they might never meet on court against each other, Nekoma against Karasuno. Kageyama isn't sure whether he would reply in such a situation. He shrugs. 

“I guess he'll be. I really don't know.”

Lev seems dejected, hanging his head. “I see. He's been injured before too, right? He told me about it. In spring. That's why you didn't advance.”

“Yeah. Who knows if he'll recover fast enough to play in these preliminaries.”

There is no reply. Kageyama glances over to see Lev pulling his legs up to his chest and furrowing his eyebrows. “That's like saying you have given up on him.”

Hinata has already given up on himself, there's not much reason to keep it up, is there? But Lev can't know about that and he is right, in a way. If Hinata doesn't believe in himself then everyone else should. He has done the same for them. 

“There's not much you can do once your body gives in, especially as an athlete,” he says but he is really just repeating something Suga has told him in his first year after he sprained his ankle. 

“So you have given up on him.”

“No. _He_ has. I still think he can do it.”

“Great!” Lev says and his entire face lightens up. “You should! We need to support him in times like these especially! Because I know Shouyou is strong. We'll definitely see you Crows in the nationals this time, you hear?”

A grin covers his entire face and Kageyama finds it physically impossible not to reciprocate. “You bet we will. With Hinata, too.”

A slap to Kageyama's back so hard it robs all of the air contained his lungs and a hearty laugh make him realize that they are not the only ones who believe in Hinata. Maybe not the preliminaries but he is sure Lev trusts Hinata to get back onto his feet again and stand tall. As he should. 

Lev says he still needs to pack some things and they bid each other farewell, Kageyama still sitting there and pondering for a while longer. There isn't much they can do for Hinata right now except for forcing him to rest so he recovers as quickly as possible. Preliminaries start mid October this year, that is still a month and a half time. The nationals are waiting for them to come and grasp it, this time for sure. 

-

“I hope you are resting properly,” Ukai says as Hinata chomps on a meat bun he just bought. Barely the start of September but a meat bun is always working, even in the hottest summer, Hinata thinks. 

“I am. I'm not even taking the bike to school,” he replies with full mouth, Ukai looking displeased about that. He hasn't gone to practise since training camp, it's been almost two weeks. He feels itchy and prickly. He simply wants to be able to play. Thankfully, his injury looked worse than it was but his ligaments are too weak for him to risk it. It was just a sprain, no rupture but his doctor told him it could become one if he doesn't stop playing now. He asked about in a month and a bit and the doctor simply sighed. He'd have to go to another check-up, he said. Hinata thinks he will tell him he can't play. “Uhh, Coach, aren't you supposed to be at training today?”

“Couldn't attend, or else no one would have been here. But they'll be fine on their own, it's not like it is the first time,” Ukai grumbles as he skips pages in the magazine he's holding. He would obviously like to be there more than here. Hinata understands. “What are you doing here at this hour anyway? ...Don't tell me you went to the gym. You're suspended.”

Hinata nods. “I know, I wasn't. But I missed classes the first few days after training camp so I had to resit and do extra lessons at school so I just got here so late.”

Ukai raises an eyebrow and seemingly means to retort as voices lighten the mood of the shop. They sound familiar although it has been a while ever since Hinata has last heard them and as he turns around, he beams brightly. 

“Whoa!” is the only thing he can get out as he sees Suga, Daichi and Asahi walking into the shop. They look surprised to see him but a smile comes to all of their faces quickly. 

“Hinata!” they exclaim in unison and start laughing about how silly that must have sounded. Ukai smirks at them. 

“I haven't seen you three around in a while,” he says as he watches them ruffle Hinata's hair and pat his shoulder. Daichi chuckles and shrugs. 

“Like we have time to come here. It's sad, isn't it? And just when we went to visit Karasuno, you weren't there, Coach. And neither was Hinata, we were shocked.”

“Ah...” Hinata's smile disappears and the three of them look at each other in silence until Suga grins sheepishly and pinches Hinata's cheeks. “Ow! Sugawara-san, why!”

“Don't look like that when you see us the first time in forever, you know, that's rude!” His words sound scolding but his tone isn't. Hinata nods quickly and he tries to put up a good face. It's true, he shouldn't mope. It won't bring him anywhere. He keeps telling himself that. 

“So, what are you three doing here?”

Daichi must have gotten another set of meat buns, for each one of them one – even for Hinata. He smiles at him as he gives him the paper bag. 

“We thought we'd drop by, it was like a call of destiny. We all three have off classes and work for an entire day – on the same day. So we called each other up and thought we'd come and see what you all have been doing,” he says, taking a bite out of his meat bun. 

“And then we wanted to come here because we got nostalgic about how we would always come and eat here after training,” Suga continues. Asahi silently eats but he doesn't seem displeased. Quite the contrary. 

“We're glad to see you here, Hinata. We got a little worried about what the others have told us,” he suddenly says after a bit, having already finished eating. That went fast. 

He doesn't really feel like talking about it but how often does Hinata get the chance to talk to his upperclassmen anymore? It feels good to have them around, he misses them a lot even though their current team is really great too. He guesses it is because they have been there in first year so they are special. “Yeah... well, I'm not doing too good. My knee's busted so I can't play right now.”

“We know,” Suga says who is still nibbling at his food, “we have heard about that. You need to make it your top priority to get well now.”

“I know. I will. I'm sorry.”

Suga laughs and shakes his head. “Don't apologize to us! We're not the ones hurting, you know? We know you want to play, the others told us they had to suspend you for you to keep away.”

The three of them snort and Hinata feels mildly embarrassed. He should feel bad about it but most of all, what is it with their reactions?

“When we heard that we just nodded along and agreed that this sounds like a very Hinata thing to do,” Daichi says and magically holds another fresh bun in his hands. Did he just... buy that or...

“Well, I... am not good at sitting down and doing nothing, this is really difficult!” Hinata stutters and laughter resounds again. 

“You haven't changed much ever since we left, Hinata. Your will to play is so strong...” Suga sighs and looks bitter. “It makes me want to go and play right now and right here.”

“No playing volleyball in the store,” Ukai grunts but is met with a chuckle from Suga. 

“Don't worry, Coach, I wasn't going to. I'm just a little frustrated, I guess?”

Asahi looks mildly bewildered. “Are you having volleyball withdrawals, Suga?”

“You bet I do,” he replies, raising an eyebrow and sighing again, deeper than before. “You know, my college doesn't have a volleyball team and I don't want to do any other sport. You have it good, Asahi. You're in a neighbourhood association. The only time I get to play is with the students from the school next door but that's... you know, kind of weird? I'm much older than them although they seem to appreciate it but, well.”

“Ah, Sugawara-san, you said you wanted to become a teacher, right?” Hinata asks and Suga nods. 

“Yeah. You said back then you thought this was perfect and everyone else agreed. To be honest, I didn't really know what exactly I wanted to do after school but I think this pushed me a little and I'm glad with the decision. I think it might really be what I am meant to do, scaring high school students with papers and lots of homework,” he giggles and Hinata stares at him in terror. He is going to be one of those ones and no one is going to notice because he looks so nice. It makes Suga laugh even more once he sees Hinata's face. 

“Don't worry, that was just a joke,” he continues, “but I do plan on becoming a high school teacher, actually. Who knows, maybe at Karasuno if I am lucky enough, that would be great.”

“You just want to go back to Karasuno so you can be supervisor for the volleyball team there, Suga. You said so yourself. Your motives are impure. Impure, you hear me!” Daichi dramatically claims and the mood is so good that Hinata entirely forgets about his problems as he listens to them. 

“Hey, what about that is impure! Please, I also care about the education of the students! Watch me! ...Although, it's funny we both go to work with young people,” Suga chuckles and smacks Daichi's shoulder, apparently quite painfully as heard by his groan. 

“Huh, why? Daichi-san, what have you been doing after school? You went to college, too, right?”

“Yup. I've gone to a medical school and have decided to go into the paediatric department.”

Hinata looks at him with confusion and Daichi snorts. “I'll be a doctor for children and young adults, Hinata.”

“Ooooh.” He looks at Daichi and he seems awfully proud of his choice and so happy. He wouldn't have thought captain Daichi would go for a medical career like he expected Tsukishima to but now that he thinks about it, he can see that far too well. Especially with children. After all, he did kind of tend an entire team of children. At a pretty young age too. “That's impressive.”

“Everything is impressive to you, Hinata,” Suga snickers and Hinata is left wondering whether to take that as a compliment or not. Before he can reply something else stumbles out of his mouth. 

“Asahi-san, what about you?”

Silence falls over them. Ukai has seemingly gone to the back, he is nowhere to be seen or heard and Daichi apparently tries to suppress a grin. Asahi looks sideways but smiles, oddly enough. For someone so big, he is still very shy. A nice person overall, Hinata likes him a lot. Maybe not very ace-like usually but he could be when he wanted to. That was really cool. 

“I am... currently working in a flower shop in the neighbour town. I didn't have anything to do so I applied for jobs right after I graduated and ended up there,” he breathes hesitantly although he seriously doesn't seem unhappy about this choice. Probably because he thinks it doesn't fit him? Perhaps people laughed about this already. Hinata remembers Nishinoya saying he has a heart of glass. Huh.

“So you make flower arrangements and bouquets and take care of plants and that sort of stuff?”

Asahi nods. “Basically. It's... well, I like it. It's not really difficult and the customers are usually very nice. It is a good atmosphere.”

“And you are really good! I mean it's like you've been born to do that,” Suga says and this time he is the one who seems amazed. He turns to Hinata and he starts telling him about his birthday this year and how Asahi brought along flowers and how nice it was and at a certain point it is not that Hinata doesn't want to listen any longer. 

He can't. They all seem so happy, they seem like they used to be. They seem like they have found what they want to do and like they are on the track they had wanted to take. They are living their dreams in a way or another while he still feels at a loss. He wears a big smile on his face and it is genuine, he is honestly more than glad for them that they can be proud of themselves. 

But they won't be of him. It is not all lost, Hinata knows that but it becomes more and more difficult for him to close the gap between him and his dream. It is his own fault, he knows that. He can't expect anyone to pull him out of a hole he dug himself. He needs to be able to get out of there himself too. But it proves to be fairly difficult, more than he expected it to be. He remembers times in which he would mindlessly say he would go professional. Sure, why wouldn't he? There was no doubt about it, he'd fight with every fibre of his being. If only his body would comply.

They don't stick around a lot longer, going back home together as Hinata walks to the nearest bus station. He doesn't want to give up. He can still heal up and play. He can still hope for the best. An injury doesn't mean death. ...But it does feel a little like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK THIS CHAPTER MIGHT SEEM HIGHLY MESSY AND IRRELEVANT and it kind of is but in my defence, i wanted to show hinata being supported already even though nothing serious has happened to him yet. they're literally at his back, may it be lev who doesn't get to see him as often or his former senpai. something like that


	9. If You Can't Walk Anymore, Then Fly

It is summer again, graduation has been 3 months ago except Hinata hasn't been physically there. He spent the time in hospital, trying to recover. Fortune did not favour him in the last preliminaries. He had healed up enough to play occasionally, his doctor even said it would be fine, the sprain seemed completely healed and as long as he wore a brace and minded not to play every game, it should have been fine. 

It wasn't. At least they had managed to advance to the nationals for the first time, standing there on the big court in Tokyo. Hinata had played in the last match against Datekougyou who had successfully managed to worm their way past teams like Aobajousai and Shiratorizawa but in the end Karasuno won the finals and proceeded. The prospect of them playing against Nekoma was burning in them but it never became reality. 

Their first match was also their last, it was Hinata's last time on a volleyball court. He landed as always, his legs felt safe and stable but the movement was too frantic, he wanted too much. A broad attack from one side of the court to the other, it was just a split second of the wrong twist but it caused a complete rupture of his already damaged ligaments. No brace, no bandage, nothing could have prevented that except for not playing at all. It was hell, the first few days were hell, the first few months were hell. The surgery was and the recovery process and eventually like now the rehabilitation process. 

Not to say that he missed out a lot of classes and he barely managed to graduate at all. If not for Yachi and Tsukishima, he would have probably failed to do even that. It took a lot of time and effort by his parents to convince the teachers to let him take the exams at all even though he had missed out on so much. Hinata feels grateful the people around him care so much. 

He is not stationary at the hospital. He used to be after his surgery. He spent Christmas here. He couldn't go visit a shrine for New Year's either. He would have liked to do that. But back then he couldn't stand, let alone move around. It works better now, of course it does even though it hurts a lot more lately. Makes him wonder if something has gone wrong which is the reason why he is sitting here, on an incredibly sunny day – and his birthday of all days.

He has gotten a lot of messages from his friends while his parents had visited him, Natsu too. They brought him cake and sung him a song and it was really nice. But it feels lonely now that they are gone and that he is alone in the wide hospital room. He'd rather go out or at least have someone around him. He hasn't seen some of them in ages. 

On cue, the door swings open and a loud crowd comes walking in, partially bantering or laughing – or both maybe. Hinata recognizes them, of course he does. This is his old team, almost all of them. No underclassmen, well they are supposed to be at school right now, and he doesn't spot Kiyoko nor Ennoshita, Kinoshita or Narita. Other than that, the entire first Karasuno team he has been in is present, all with a smile on their face as they see Hinata's surprise. 

“Hello there, birthday child!” Tanaka says, a grin broad on his face as he flops onto the edge of the bed, Nishinoya closely following his example. Though baffled, Hinata returns the grin. 

“I didn't expect this! I was just thinking it would be nice if I could see all of you...”

“We are mind readers, Shouyou! Mind readers!” Nishinoya says cackling and both him and Tanaka get lost in a conversation whether they actually might be espers. Hinata is inclined to follow but Yachi calls for him. All others seem to be freely chatting away with each other, most likely waiting to get a word. It would be chaotic if everyone suddenly started talking to him, Hinata guesses, so he is grateful for that. 

“Well, we heard from your parents that you came back to hospital at the start of the week because they are doing check-ups so we thought we'd come by. It's bad enough being in hospital at all but on your birthday.... I hope you have some time to spare for us!”

“Sure,” Hinata replies and suddenly all eyes focus on him even though they all keep up their talk. It's nice. The room feels lively now, not lonely at all. He loves this sort of atmosphere. It reminds him a lot of past practise. His heart skips a beat. “It's not like I have a lot to do here anyway.”

“Good, then,” Yachi says and she beams, she radiates, she seems so incredibly happy that it is difficult for Hinata not to smile back so broadly it makes his cheeks hurt and sting. Everyone else seems to go quiet now, turning to Hinata, all of them having smiles and smirks glued to their faces but they are all genuine. It makes Hinata feel so warm. He really, truly loves all of them so much and he knows that, he has always known but it dawns on him how much Karasuno has meant to him. How much it still does. “Well, since it is your birthday, we haven't just come here to brighten your mood, we also brought you some presents!”

By command, all of them leave the room, Nishinoya and Tanaka jumping off the bed and racing out and coming back – one by one until the last person is in the room again and the door closes. They stand in line, like they all used to at the start of a match. Hinata feels nostalgic but it might be too early for happy tears. 

Daichi speaks up first, his voice as firm as ever. He shoves a paper bag into Hinata's hand with a grin and shrugs. It's warm still and the smell tells Hinata what it is. Meat buns! He didn't know he was hungry until now. 

“Here goes, happy birthday, Hinata! I thought they might motivate you. We used to give them out as a reward after practise so please see them the same way now. You were too keen sometimes but it was definitely not a bad thing at all. You pulled all of us along and I am proud to think that we have played together,” he says and his voice sounds warm like the meat buns in Hinata's hands. He does feel like crying. Him? Pulling them along? 

Before he can say anything, Suga pushes Daichi out of the way and presses a book into Hinata's hands. It seems to be about volleyball, judging by the cover because Hinata doesn't have the time to read the title before Suga starts talking. 

“Happy birthday, sunshine!” he chuckles and a sheepish grin returns to his face. Sometimes, Hinata is sure of that, Suga looks so nice but he is actually the root of all evil. Not bad evil but... the kind of prank-ish evil, he guesses. “I've always wanted to say that... anyway! I thought I would get you this so you wouldn't forget the steps while you are recovering. I might or might not have read through it because I was in need for some volleyball-related stuff and jotted down things in it mindlessly.”

He lets out a sigh and as Hinata skims the pages, he sees Suga's neat writing at the side of the paragraphs. On every page. That must have been so much effort. 

“Please use it to pick up from where you left off, Hinata. I think I speak for all of us when I say that your mindset has been an inspiration for us to strive after what we really wanted. Keep that in mind as you proceed on whatever way you will take.”

His voice is as soothing as ever and it makes him feel both flustered and proud to hear Suga say such things about him. He has never realized before. He doesn't realize it now if he is fully honest with himself but he knows neither Daichi nor Suga are the type to say things without meaning them. His heart has skipped a beat too much at this thought, he thinks. 

“I do know you made _me_ want to work harder, Hinata.” Asahi pops up next to Suga who returns back in line. He sighs slightly at his own words but a smile is still right there. In hands, he holds a bouquet of sunflowers in full bloom, nicely arranged with smaller flowers surrounding it. It is huge as he lays it down next to Hinata. “I hope you will recover soon and push others as hard as you pushed us too. Don't give up, I know you have the heart of an ace.”

Hinata's eyes go wide as he touches the petals of the flowers. Simply looking at them makes him feel calmer but also happier especially when he sees Asahi smiling back at him. He feels... moved. This is what it is. He feels like he can't say anything to any of them. He fears that if he opens his mouth, he is going to cry and he doesn't want to cry. He has told himself that tears are not going to get him anywhere, that he has shed enough tears already. 

Before it happens, before the tears start falling, Nishinoya and Tanaka hop on his bed again, Asahi retreating into the row again, worried eyes onto the flowers as Nishinoya crawls closer to Hinata. 

“Shouyou, I brought you the best present! Here,” he exclaims and throws a pair of knee pads and elbow pads at his face. Hinata rubs his nose but picks both up. “I snatched them from the team I'm playing at so they are special! They are not used though, they're super new! Make sure to use them once you get back on court! You've always urged me on to do cool things, so you do the same! Having someone thinking you are cool and worthy of praise is really something, you know? It motivates you to do better and impress them more!”

His voice is so loud but so cheerful that Hinata chuckles. He still believes in him coming back onto the court, giving him this specifically. Nishinoya is still as cool as he used to be. Naturally cool too, he doesn't act like this. He just is. As is Tanaka who grins broadly and hands him a volleyball and a pair of volleyball shoes. 

“These are from Ennoshita and Narita. Both saved up to get you these as a compensation that they can't be here today. They both sounded pretty stressed out on the phone, kinda busy with exams and shit, you know? Anyway, they told me to give you these or they'll shave me balder. ...Said Narita, that bastard,” Tanaka rambles but he doesn't seem upset. He rustles through his pockets and pulls out a card, putting it next to the flowers. 

“That thing is from Kinoshita. He actually asked his parents if he could give you some sort of coupon, you know? So take your parents and your little sister with you and have a feast there, he even said they are gonna get out the good stuff. The good meat.”

“What, seriously? That rude ass, he told me he wouldn't give me anything like that,” Nishinoya says resentfully. 

“Man, bite him, not me. I'm just telling Hinata what he told me.”

The mood is so good. Everyone is so nice. They are all here today, for him. They have brought him things, more specifically things that will urge him on to try harder. Not to give up. Like they have taught him. Hinata has never been one to give in but lately everything has been going so wrong. Nothing has worked out and once he gained a little confidence back into believing, another thing would strike him out of it. As if fate was trying to tell him to leave it be. But everyone is here and everyone believes in him. Like he believes in them. 

“Ah, and Hinata? Here, that's from me,” Tanaka says, grinning impishly and hands him a pair of weights that are much heavier than Hinata expected. He huffs and rolls them aside, turning his head to Tanaka. He looks so genuinely proud right now and Hinata is surprised about that. 

“You will need those. Get some proper guns and show your opponents who's boss. You've always wanted to have a heavy spike, right? Well, those are the weights I used to work out with so use them! Smack all blockers to the ground! Always remember that as cool as you thought we are for you, you were pretty damn cool yourself sometimes. When you weren't ditzy and got a ball to your face.”

He laughs and Hinata feels heat rushing to his cheeks. that hasn't happened in ages anymore. Okay, maybe ages is a bit long but still. 

“Don't let it get to your head what I'll tell you but you know, when I saw your match back then in middle school, I told everyone you were going to be great. I was willing to bet legit money on you. Just so you know. Show the world your worth, got it?”

Honestly, the tears are burning at the corners of his eyes because he realizes what this is. He might be dense but not enough not to realize they all try to pick him up. They try to give him back what he has lost. And all these presents, they mean to encourage him. To give him the strength to pull through this. An injury doesn't mean death. It means an obstacle. But when has Hinata become so bitter he refused to even try and get past it? What has happened to him?

“The worth of a one-track mind, yeah,” Tsukishima says and Tanaka is ready to get up but is being pulled along by Nishinoya instead to go and line up along with the others. The look Tanaka throws back speaks more than thousand words though and really, some things don't seem to change. “There is nothing I hate more than empty promises. Except for maybe hypocrites who don't keep their own advice. Deem yourself lucky I haven't been your doctor.”

A set of bandages and cooling gel tumble onto the sheet and with a huff, Tsukishima turns around and lines up next to Yachi and Yamaguchi. Ah. Well, his words were certainly not nice but this is Tsukishima. And he is right. Hinata barely ever keeps his own advice lately. He never used to go against it but... in these days, he has just become so different. Even those noticed who weren't with him. He bites his lower lip in frustration over how much he has lost himself. What has even happened? 

“Uh, Hinata?”

Yamaguchi's voice rings in his ears and interrupts his trail of thoughts. He stands there, smiling shyly at the cake he holds in hands. It is small but round and coloured like a volleyball. There is a plate, probably made out of chocolate, saying 'Happy Birthday' with twirly letters. He looks up to Yamaguchi's face as he places it onto the bed stand right next to Hinata and he wants to say something but his voice is stuck. Ah. 

“Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day today. We were all thinking you might be devastated and that you might want to give up. Frankly, if I would have been in your situation, I would have thought about the same. I'm not strong enough to keep myself going. Or so I thought. In multiple occasions, I thought I would just quit. That it is no fun. That I don't enjoy it. But you have had these times, too right? And you have never given up once. You even played while injured and it must have hurt but you haven't given up. Your mind might tell you to leave this be but I know that your heart tells you otherwise. And I know you well enough by now to know that you prioritize your heart's decisions rather than your mind's,” he says with a giggle.

It is not particularly Yamaguchi's words although they hit home so hard it makes Hinata shudder. All of their words until now, they all have been filled with so much confidence. He missed them. Each and every single one of them. Every word and every smile, each one of their faces make him feel so much stronger. Invincible, even. He might lose hope again but he will make sure to remember this.

Yachi steps to the front, and she smiles again, she always smiles and it is so bright and Hinata wants to smile back but this time he feels unable to. His heart hurts, it is overwhelmed by everything and he feels like crying but he doesn't want to. He is too happy though, it is too much. Yet still, he doesn't want to shed any tears. This is the quietest he has ever been in his life. He hasn't said a single word ever since they had started giving him presents. He has so much to say to them, so much to promise them and thank them for but how? There are no words he can come up with to tell them. 

“Hinata, happy birthday, first of everything! I... I never really got around thanking for all you've done for me. Without you, I would have never become Karasuno's manager. I would have never had this much fun with everyone! Thank you so much for making my time at Karasuno such a good one. Um... I actually had Kiyoko-san help me with this. She put a lot of work into this with me together and we decided to give this to you as your managers to your birthday so you might remember if you fall down again.”

She gets out a piece of cloth she has hidden behind her back and Suga, Daichi and Asahi rush to help her spread it. It is a banner, the length of the bed maybe, black cloth with white letters. Hinata feels his heart beating faster and slower at the same time as if it is unable to decide whether to stop or to hammer. It is so simple. So easy. He should have kept that in mind. But he has forgotten in his despair, almost entirely, about the time he had spent at Karasuno, about the fun and the tears, about the dream that had been so important to him.

Not because it wasn't worth remembering but because it all seemed so distant. There were no days without pain, no days without doubt, none without regret. Especially after being sent to hospital, after surgery, he had simply given up. Not willingly but his mind had given up. 

Yet the words and the presents and the banner of each and every single one of them, it reminds him that he shouldn't give up. He can't. There is no reason to. There is still room to fight. Room to fly. The words on the banner ring true. 

If you can't walk anymore, then fly. 

“This...” Hinata starts but is interrupted by Yachi who giggles almost mischievously. But it is not her who speaks up. It is Kageyama who had been so quiet the entire time that Hinata almost forgot he was there. He wears an expression quite different from anyone else on his face. He isn't smiling, but looking straight at him, his eyes fixed onto Hinata's. 

That look, Hinata knows it and yes, his heart beats faster. Kageyama is still willing to give him a look so challenging that he can feel his blood boil as he stares back, the tears completely forgotten. Despite his condition, Kageyama still chooses to see a rival in him. It makes him ridiculously proud. It is motivating and intimidating. It is perfect.

“We kept getting dragged into your pace all the time. You kept pulling us along wherever you wanted without noticing it yourself and that was annoying. But... at a certain point, you pushed us to go but never went along with us. You kept still and you forgot to run. But you should have. Even if you can't, you have so many ways to catch up. And if it's not walking and running, then fly. Soar, you know? That's what you've always done. That's what you will need to do if you want to reach the top.”

Hinata is at a loss of words and he tries to say something, his mouth opening but it quickly closes again as he feels the tears back burning. Shit. Whispers are hanging around the room but they quickly go quiet as Kageyama shuffles closer to the bed and reveals what he had hidden behind his back. His face is bright red, the intimidating look gone completely and replaced by a flustered face that Hinata has rarely seen on him unless Kageyama has done something extremely embarrassing. Like when he served against a wall and the ball came straight back to his face. 

He lays down a pair of clumsily crafted black wings on Hinata's bed. Cardboard and wires holding thin, black paper together acting as feathers. They are not very big but they'd probably be big enough to cover his back. If he had wings they might look like that. Even though they were shoddy and there was glue still sticking on obvious places, Hinata stares at them as if they were made out of gold. He notices Kageyama's hands covered in band-aids as he retreats them and wonders how long it took him to make these. How angry he is they don't look better. Those are things Kageyama would think about. 

But it doesn't matter to Hinata. They are perfect as they are, as is the banner and everything else. They are perfect. He looks from his presents up to all of them – and God, he feels his heart overflowing, he loves them so much – and realizes he has started crying after all. Quietly, he isn't even sniffing at first but it overwhelms him so much, he starts sobbing. 

He doesn't know when but everyone suddenly seems to sit on his bed – well almost, except for Tsukishima – to console him. They ruffle his hair and pat his back, they rub his cheeks and pinch his nose and it makes him smile but also urge on the tears to fall. They stream over his face at a point where his vision is so blurry he doesn't even see silhouettes any longer. 

Bit by bit, from the first time he figured there might be something wrong with his knee, he remembers losing hope every waking second. Like a bottle with a tiny, tiny hole losing water even though it isn't touched. His dream moved away inch by inch until it was out of reach. There is no guarantee he will be able to fulfil it, he knows that. But if there is a chance, as slight as it may be, even if it is just 0.1%, he doesn't want to give up on it. For their sake too. He knows now. They all reminded him. They are his support. They are his wings.

He lets go of all the relief in his heart, of all the pain he had because everyone is right there. He doesn't care how embarrassing it is, sobbing and sounding as if he chokes on air. He feels so much lighter thanks to them, he feels as if he is flying up high - all thanks to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was better in my head. i butchered the scene. sorry hinata, i still love you and happy birthday, sunshine


	10. The Summer of 2020

_natsu <3  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Big bro, I bet youre jealous now :D I have a cool homeroom teacher!! We'll cheer you on from here!! Do your best also, Tobio!! <3_

Hinata opens the photo attached to his sister's message and grins. A selfie of, well, herself grinning big as well, a victory sign for the camera and right next to her is her homeroom teacher. A very familiar face and an even more familiar sheepish smile, making the same pose as her. Suga looks a little older now, his hair a little shorter than before but still as kind as always, really. 

“Huh. They seem to get along,” Kageyama comments. He's sitting right next to Hinata, glancing over his shoulder to see the replies of the others. There goes, Hinata gets another message. 

_tsukki:((  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Not actually Tsukishima but your old captain, do you still remember me? I forced him to do the photo, greetings and good game to you two. Thank me later. D._

Both Hinata and Kageyama 'Ohhhh.' out aloud when they see the photo attached. Daichi smirks into the camera showing a victory sign as well as if he had won a prank on Tsukishima who seems utterly reluctant to even be there on the same photo, his face half-turned away. They are both wearing white coats, working at the same hospital. Hinata knew about that before this, he heard from Yamaguchi because Tsukishima had stopped replying to him after the umpteenth message. Though Hinata guessed he was simply too busy. Another ringing. 

_tanaka-senpai!  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_just 4 u takin a cool photo in my uniform dont have it everyday a cop smiles 4 u but ur olympics!!! thats amazing!! go crush every1 ill be rootin_

The photo attached is Tanaka wearing a rural police uniform, he seems to be at work right now but he grins into the camera. He still looks as always, except for more hair on his hair which still looks so weird to Hinata. He isn't used to Tanaka not having a buzzcut. 

“It suits him so well, I can't believe it,” Kageyama says and he seems genuinely amazed. The weight of his head on Hinata's shoulder gradually increases but he doesn't move away, much to Hinata's dismay. His phone rings again. 

_captain ennoshita!  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Hello Hinata, are you alright? The photo you sent is really nice, Kageyama seems like he's okay too. Have a photo of me and Narita working on props for the play I wrote, we're more than busy. I hope you have a lot of success today, we'll be watching TV while working. Greetings to Kageyama also!_

Hinata opens the photo and it is Narita working on costumes or at least working with cloth and smiling broadly into the camera despite looking somewhat tired and Ennoshita literally simply peeping into the camera. It seems he wanted to take a photo of them together but pressed the button too early. He is smiling alright but it's just not his entire face on the photo. Hinata snorts and so does Kageyama. 

“His messages are always super tidy but he's actually kinda silly, isn't he?” Kageyama laughs and Hinata nods in agreement. 

“Yeah, but I'm not really surprised, you know. Hey Kageyama, do you think we can print these photos out and, like, hang them onto the wall?”

Kageyama shrugs. “Sure. I don't mind.”

Hinata's phone rings again. 

_sugawara:D  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Here I just told Shimizu about how you want photos from us and she was upset she still doesn't have your number I told her I'll redirect her photo to you and give you her number I'll send it to you in another message because I actually don't know it by heart. Stay strong and win this. Suga_

Hinata and Kageyama almost choke on the air they breathe once Hinata opens the photo of Kiyoko making a victory sign, their former manager, in a judo outfit. But that is not the vastly surprising thing. She wears the Olympic jacket, the same one each one of them have hanging at home too. She is in Team Japan, she is an actual pro judoka and she is participating in the Olympic games, along with them. Kageyama speaks up first. 

“You know, that means we'll see her at the opening ceremony in a month. I would have never thought, though. I mean, not like we have to know what people from other sports are participating with us but... wow, I'm impressed.”

Kageyama shuffles closer to Hinata and ugh, it is too hot for this, it is the middle of June already, but he apparently has a good reason. “She also wears a black belt. ...Scary. But also very impressive.”

“Good we never pissed her off. Yachi did mention she heard Kiyoko talk about having been into sports before but for it to have been Judo... scary, really. But also super cool,” Hinata says and shudders run down his back but he can't help and feel proud too. And happy to see her so soon. He is sure Nishinoya will be stoked too. His phone rings another time. 

_yachi:D  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Ahh, that photo of you and Kageyama is so sweet!Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ Have you gotten used to living together yet? Look, by the way, this is my new project, I just finished the 3D modelling. I hope they'll take my idea...(╯︵╰,) You have a match today, right? Make sure not to drop dead on court from exhaustion, okay? You can do this today!(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑_

Hinata chuckles as he opens the photo. Yachi, like Ennoshita, isn't properly on it. She made the photo of the 3D model she has talked about and it seems to be a rather large building but Hinata sucks too much at this sort of this to see what sort of. Yachi herself looks into the camera from above, her eyes and her hair visible but upside down. She must have wanted to look if the camera was taking a photo but she did take a photo of herself with it. 

Kageyama snorts. “We've known her for 8 years now and she has never really changed, has she? Personality-wise, I mean.”

“Not really, she is still making up the scariest scenarios. Like the other day, she wrote me she had had a dream where she tripped over a glass of milk and died and ever since she's mildly terrified by milk but... you know,” Hinata sighs and shrugs. “That's how she's always been, worried about the weirdest things.”

His phone rings again. Who's still missing...? Oh!

_yamaguchi:D  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_took me a bit to get it done. are you already on your way? please say no. didn't take a photo of myself but of a cake i baked to encourage you two. wish i could send it to you. good luck today!_

Truly, the photo is a cake, but a wonderful one. A chocolate cake that looks so good on the photo Hinata can hear Kageyama drool on his shoulder. He can't even be angry, it looks delicious. The only thing visible of Yamaguchi is his hand, making a victory sign into the camera. He is still pretty shy, huh or maybe just full of flour and gross. That's fine though, his appearance hasn't changed extraordinarily. They had actually seen him not too long ago because he dropped by on Hinata's birthday a week ago. Still slender, still freckled but he looks a lot more confident and fierce now. He seems to do very well at his job, having been offered to work abroad as well. 

“No wonder they offered him a job in France. Isn't that like the place where they make all the good stuff? Food and sweets and that?”

“Kageyama, quit that, you are scary,” Hinata says and stares at him. Kageyama lifts his head and looks at him with confusion blatant in his face. 

“The fuck have I done?”

“I was just thinking that he was going to go abroad and you suddenly start talking about that. Quit that, seriously. Don't fuck with my brain.”

Kageyama glares at him and he wants to retort but there is another mail flying in.

_bokuto:)  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_eyyyy tiny fighter u there? olympic practise tmr dont slack!!! also nice self but i wear it better!!!_

Today a match in their home team, tomorrow practise for Olympics... well, they are drawing near, it's just a little more than a month. And Hinata was honestly surprised back then when Kageyama and him got to practise to meet Bokuto there. He hasn't met him often during his school time, actually really just in his first year but they never really felt like strangers to each other. To Kageyama's annoyance, Hinata guesses. 

The photo attached shows Bokuto grinning and posing in the Olympic jersey, the same outfit Hinata and Kageyama wear on the photo sent around, currently waiting for everyone's reply as Hinata had asked for photos of them too. It was really just silly reassurance from Hinata's side. Now that the jerseys arrived, he kind of just needed to brag a bit but everyone is actually sending photos and giving him feedback and he feels like his heart jumps right of his chest. 

“Actually, the jersey is just really cool, we all look ten times cooler while wearing those,” Kageyama says and man, he sure loves commenting. Suddenly, Hinata wonders whether he awaits the photos more than he does. 

“True, Noya-san also looks so damn cool in it.” His phone rings and, speak of the devil. 

_noyassan!!  
>re: show me ur smiles_

_shouyou! do u see! man we look great in these! good luck and see u later!_

As if he knew, the photo shows Nishinoya in the Olympic jersey too, both thumbs stretched out and gesturing to him directly, well of course. That is Nishinoya's signature pose, what else would he have done? Hinata still can't believe they all three ended up in the same team. Actually, Nishinoya switched to their team not a year after Hinata managed to join in. He has never really asked but he figures Nishinoya might have wanted some company. And then, they all three conveniently got into the Olympic team too. The media is already calling them the Infernal Trio, never split apart. It's weird, really. The next message drops in. 

_ace asahi whoa!  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_Hello Hinata, I'm actually at Kinoshita's right now so I took the photo with him, I hope you don't mind? Business is doing good, I'll take over the shop probably.... hope it will work out. Have a good match tomorrow. Asahi_

“So he'll take over the flower shop... well, he did mention the old lady was going to leave soon and he was worried he'd lose his job then. Good for him,” Hinata exclaims as he looks at the photo. Asahi is smiling into the camera, sitting at the table in Kinoshita's family restaurant, Kinoshita grinning wide, bandana tightly wrapped around his much longer hair now. 

Before Kageyama can reply, there is another message. 

_levlevlev  
>re: show me ur smiles!!:)_

_heyyy greetings from cold russia seems like well see each other soon im olympics too! finally playing against each other hell yeah!_

Lev took a photo and as his message said, he wears the jersey of the Russian Olympics Team. He grins into the camera and he looks as huge as always. Irritating but motivating. 

“He must be amazing if Russia took him in like that. I mean, they have a really good ratio of wins, you know. Really good teams too, I think they are being trained ever since they are very young. I'm actually a little surprised,” Kageyama ponders. 

“Well, no one believed me to get into Olympics either. Maybe he isn't regular, I mean, I'm not going to be either,” Hinata says and clicks through the photos again. Kageyama grabs his head roughly and makes him yelp. “Ow, what for!?”

“Because you deserve it. Doesn't really matter if benched or not, you're in the Olympic team so be proud of yourself,” Kageyama hisses and it makes Hinata smile. That aspect of him has never really changed, not in years they have known each other by now. 

“I am. There's no way I couldn't be, you know? I mean, I remain to be an injury player but my efforts are paying off. I am still good enough to be chosen to be part of such an important team. I can't not be proud and brag about it.”

He has had his fair share of worries until now. But they are gone. He has learnt to cope with the fact that his knees give in easily. He has changed his way of playing to match it to his condition and it works better now although he still ends up injured every now and then. Likely more often than other players but still, his quality doesn't suffer. Or that is what he had been told when chosen for the Olympic team. 

Kageyama chuckles. “Well, you should do just that,” he says and stands up, stretching his limbs. He lets out a sigh and glances at the clock. “We should get going, you know.”

He doesn't wait for Hinata's reply and goes into his bedroom as Hinata stays behind. He looks at the wall right in front of him. The TV stands there and the wall is covered - by a black banner and a pair of black wings he had gotten years ago as a reminder. He insisted on having them somewhere where he would see them, always. Kageyama never objected. He looks at them and at the free space underneath the banner and he thinks, the photos of everyone will look great right there. They will, surely, remind him that his wings are still holding him up. That he is flying towards the top and that he will reach it one day - with them as his wings, there is no way he couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the wild ride is over, finito. adios. ciao. tschüss. bye. 
> 
> about this chapter: it is seriously just a delusion of mine, all of what happens here is a wishful dream but you know, i wanted to have this super sweet, super cheesy, super good ending because i suffered during writing too much. i hope you felt the same way and i truly apologize for the mess this fic is. slay me now but before that!!
> 
> shoutout to everyone who helped me with this when i asked them and who read this in between to check for mistakes and also THANKS A LOT TO EVERYONE WHO READ THIS UNTIL NOW. man, thanks, seriously, i am moved.


End file.
